


Fishing for Mr Right

by InOneEfficientGulp



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Other, POV Multiple, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3243743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InOneEfficientGulp/pseuds/InOneEfficientGulp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mara-chan is a promiscuous girl. But what happens when she falls in the hands of a certain Uchiha?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Always Choose Durex

**Author's Note:**

> Relatively AU (I'm updating it a bit; had been stagnant from my angsty teenage years on ff.net ugh)  
> All OCs are mine, this plot line is mine (I guess).
> 
> As a lot of you (the few hundreds?) might have noticed, this fiction has left me drained, to the point where after days of blood, sweat and tears, I have decided to pick this fit once again AND FINISH IT. I PROMISE. YOU ALL HAVE MY WORD. I HOPE I DO IT JUSTICE... FROM MY MEMORIES.
> 
> Thank you for choosing this um, story (?) to read. I am truly honoured. I would like to advise you all that as my description skills are very evidently descriptive; one might not really know what one is going in for (even I don't know what I'm going in for to be quite honest but let's imagine I didn't write that).
> 
> This fiction started out as a crack!fic and quite frankly it spiralled out of control because Mara-chan has weeded her way into my heart and made it her home. After 25 (half of which are destroyed with all the past hard drives) chapters I really want to see this story through, even if it took me about 3 years to get back to it (it's like a love/hate relationship). Also I want to give Itachi the happy ending he so deserves. Thus I decided to thwart a few facts around, add a bit of spice into his life and shake the whole foundations the Uchihas stand for. This shall only happen until I finish this fiction; I do not think that this much power in my hands is something that should happen very often as and I quote the wonderfully dead Uncle Ben once said to his nephew, "With great power, comes greater responsibility".
> 
> I have been spending months thinking about how this story should end (oh dear God it will end someday) and have concluded how in a specific week in august when a heat wave surrounded me and temperatures rocketed to about 37 degrees celcius. I would also like to add that I was sick that week and had a touch of fever. This has been quite a learning experience in that I should most probably take care of myself first before worrying about fiction (as enticing as it is).
> 
> Thanks once again for joining me on this journey and I promise you it will be worth your while (and by George it will end).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex,drugs, and rock 'n' roll.

I can't feel my limbs.  Actually I wouldn't be surprised if they were spent.  Speaking of limbs…what's a guy's hand doing on my boob?  Aaaand what's with feeling so cold? Did I leave the window open or something?  Nope…It's closed. This isn't even my room.  (I never suggest taking men to my house…to risqué.)  Talk about rich!  It's huge.  Quite a simple room, with a bed (ahem), a few huge windows ...and no clutter.  What kind of man doesn't have a mess in his room?  From all the men I have been with, all of them somehow had a mess, from the dirty laundry, to porn books.  It kind of makes me think whether this guys a clean freak.  Nahhh…My clothes wouldn't be so scattered about and torn up.  Wait a minute – why are they torn up?  They are all somehow cut into pieces.  Did I fish myself a knife wielding husky?  Talking about hunky men… I noticed that he has one hell of an iron grip.  Trying to pry his hand away might cause my boob to deflate.  We don't want that now, do we?  Looking at my body, it was full of bruises… which sum up the reason that I got myself a psychopath.  Tch - all in a day's work. Ah yes, my breasts, so utterly _huge_ and _round_.  You don't get blessed with 'em around here.  I just happened to continue with our family genes.  They're an awful lot, you know? Maintenance and stuff.  You have to buy huge bras, and you had to buy dresses according to your boobs.  It is hard around here to buy a dress which can hold these babies so I have to tailor-make mostly all the dresses.  It's also due to my assets that I was introduced to this profession.  I'm a thief - a _sexy_ thief (wink).  It goes something like this:  I usually go in bars and such, wearing very flattering dresses, find a guy, get him drunk, knock him out and steal his money.  If the guy is hot then I'll give them the time of their lives.  Easy, _right_?  Leading such an easy life, leeching money from idiots…

 Back to Mr. Psycho here.  Dammit, his other hand is coiled around my waist.  It will be a tough job to wiggle out, but I need to do it without him waking up.  Okay Plan A: Pry Fingers.  I'll just gently take hold of his index finger and pull away.  Hmm – his fingers seem to be glued to my skin.  Let's scratch that plan and onto Plan B: Wiggle.  Did he just growl?  Dear lord. Plan C? Um…I don't think that tickling would result in my freedom.  Needless to say, these futile attempts at removing myself from his arms resulted in a bone crushing grip, so I gave up.  Time to inspect him.  Such a funny tattoo on his left shoulder.  It looks like a Pisces thing.  Maybe he was born in March?  Look at that flawless skin.  My skin colour looked very dark compared to his.  Damn he's got biceps all right!  Which explains the vice grip on my boob and not to mention that on my waist.  Sigh, I have nothing else to do except wait.  After what seemed like an age (which between you and me was only two minutes) he finally shifted, raising his head from the crook of my neck.  Silky black hair fell around his head.  Not many guys can sport that look and still look hot.  About time Sir.  I would have you know that I haven't got all day to waste now that I spent the night with you.  This would be a grand opportunity to examine his face.  He groaned (gosh he might qualify for round 4 if you know what I mean) and finally removed his hand from my molested breast and rubbed his face.  I covered my babies with my hands, not knowing what else I should do.  Truly a work of art I am.  I need to grab his attention – maybe coughing might work?  His eyes were…red? Talk about blood shot.  We stared at each other.  That seems to be the best choice at the moment.  I blinked and decided to break the ice.

 "Hi!"  I sound so damn cheery in the morning.  Maybe moving my fingers in a mini wave while still trying to cover my chest up wasn't such a smooth idea.  It looked like a centipede toppled over and is trying to haul itself up again.  Did I mention I was a master of awkward introductions?  Ah, this good ol' charmer can weed her way into the most extrodinarily awkward of situations, one of which you are experiencing with me.  Oh, that seemed to have caught his attention. He shifted his gaze from my face and he frowned.  Was my body that crude for guys?  I'll have you know, _Sir_ , that I have a track record to upkeep, with reviews from men stating that they had a 'whale of a time' and 'wouldn't mind another go at it'.  Well, imagine them slurring it. He shifted himself up and sat on the edge of the bed, I immediately grabbed some of the bed sheets and covered my body.  It was a stupid reaction on his part.  I would have been overjoyed to have been graced by my presence in the morning.  Well, in this case maybe that's just me.  I heard the bed groan as if it was relieved from some of the weight.  Of course, it was Mr. Psychopath up and stretching.  He must train - I mean, look at his back!  Oh, of course you can't.  You're just a figment of my imagination.  I can't describe the implosion my ovaries incurred as I devoured his back.  Well, it was a scrumptious sight.  Gives me all the more reasons to jump him right here, right now.  He yawned and walked away, kicking stray clothes out of his way.  He rubbed his head and opened a door - a sink was visible.  So he was going to leave me here?  Or maybe he was asking me to go in with him? … _Kinky_ … He slammed the door close.  I see.  He thinks that I can show my way out _huh_.

 _Fine_. So be it. I'll just get up from bed and look around the room for my clothes, or what's left of them.  I only found my shorts and shirt.  They were totally fucked up, but still wearable.  Like me.  Hehe get it?  I'm sorry, I shouldn't attempt at humor.  I found my panties curled up under his bed.  At least those were whole.  I pulled them up my legs.  Onwards to my bra!  I'm totally into searching for my bra - like this is the most fun a woman can have.  Looking for garments and trying to find excuses as to how one might reduce the knowing stares and jibes as one walks out of the house.  Truly the most joyful event of a females' life.  Suddenly, a door opened slowly.  It was like a scene from a movie I saw last week... Out from the steam emerged this Adonis.  He had a towel draped around his waist.  Don't stare as if you've never seen a man before you coot. Continue with your search.  FInally my bra decided to make its appearance underneath the pillows.  My left bra string was cut.  Fuck.  I looked back at him trying not to eyeball him again.  He crossed his arms and leaned in the doorframe with a smirk grazing his lips.  He must think he's God's gift to women, yuck. This went on a for a few more seconds before he shrugged as if we ever had a conversation (well of course we did. It was a surreal mind thing that happens when two soul mates look at each other for the first time) and turned to his humongous wardrobe.  A silver plate caught my eyes.  It had the Konoha emblem on it.   _Shit_.  He's a ninja and what looks like an ANBU cop too, considering that half his wardrobe was filled with the typical garb.  Mind you, my knowledge on ninjas is an extensive one, specifically since this town is filled with them like pests I caught myself an ANBU.  Wop-de-fricken- doo.  ANBU are the worst - they're snobbish and arrogant, and because of that they tend to be the ones who are bad at sex.  Thank the heavens I can't remember shit from last night.  He grabbed some jounin garb.  The shirt had a familiar fan on the back.  I went on with putting on my clothes, well, what's left to them anyway.  When I was ready I turned back round to find him wearing some boxers.   _Somebody_ must be happy with their body.  This is not how it's supposed to go!  I should have already been at home with his money!  Ugh, well we both have to face one another so might as well skip all the bull crap and get straight to business.

 "I'm Yamato Mara."

 "Uchiha Itachi."

I got myself an Uchiha ey?  That explains the fan but the blood shot eyes - do they all have those?  Maybe it's because of their work ethic I don't know.  This should go down in my record book too.  Silence filled the room.  I fidgeted under his stare.  He sure made one hell of a good ANBU cop with just that stare.  If I were an enemy I would be like: "Dude, you win."  Well that's why I'm not a ninja. Two questions fogged through my mind.  Did we have sex?  Did we have…protective sex? I mean we could have just undressed and left it at that – I had a couple of men who just slept before anything happened which I’m not really complaining too much about because it saved me the time to try and sneak out safely.  Ugh, look at this man - no, _boy_.  I shall call him a _boy_ so that he would be reduced to a lower status in my mind and yours.  Well look at this _boy_ trying to flex his biceps at me.  Who does he think he- oh wow, that was a nice one. "Listen, um…about last night. I um…"  Cat got my tongue? Nope, his hotness did (BAM that was a good one). "I think I should go." I blurted out.  God I'm chicken.  Here I am making a living from looking like a total sleaze just to steal some money and I couldn't sound the least bit like whatever I was last night.  Oh lord my head.  I should take a moment and take deep breathes.  Let us belittle the enemy: he is a very calm _boy_ , with a good poker face, at peek physique, with the best paying job apart from being Hokage.  Oh damn this _boy_ has it all for him.

 "You should." I'm sorry, _what_?  How dare he blatantly get down to business as I was trying to do so myself?  He should have answered with: 'Oh don't worry darlin', would you like some honey nut cereal?'  He was one ice block.  Sarcasm in the morning is priceless.  Was this a game to him?  I fiddled with my fingers.  It's a habit I'm trying to remove, I don't want my enemy to know of my anxiousness.  Well I do it when I'm not anxious so I really don't know why it would be a quirk specifically for nervousness.  Last time I heard some girl down at the beauty parlour say that her friend's cousin's uncle's third cousin thrice removed grandmother used to flap her arms up and down like chickens would do whenever she got nervous.  It was how she met her husband.  This girl said that that grandma flapped her arms so hard that she punched him in the nose.  Well she broke his nose and nursed him back to health.  How romantic is that?  Suddenly a hand shot and grabbed my chin.  Oh dear, now he wants to touch me?  He twisted my face to the left and inspected my neck.  I saw bite marks on his collar.  Ah, my signature bite marks, at least I had some sense to put those down huh?  I saw some battle scars (I am assuming here – he could have gotten into an accident when he was young that involved a rhinoceros and a bag of cold peas) travel down his neck, connecting with one of my hickies.  He still was looking coldly at me.  He's like a marble statue; pretty but lifeless and cold.  He makes for a good ninja I guess.  He let go of my face and moved around me to do god knows what.  I took the opportunity to check myself in the mirror.  My shorts had a deep cut on one of the butt cheeks, which showed off my panties.  My shirt was in the same state.   _Oh well_.

 I felt a glare directed at my skull.  What an ass hole!  How dare he reject _me_?  Humph!  Well then it's about time I make my way out of this hell hole.  Mara-chan doesn't need to be associated with this psychopath.  He followed me downstairs like a good host would do.  He gave me my bag.  I looked at the coffee table in the living room.  A couple of empty sake bottles were scattered around the living room coupled with cigarette butts.  Damn, it was one of _those_ nights huh?  The 'get to know him better' nights?  I struggled out of his house upon his insistent glare.  I needed to pay back for what he did to me though.  I turned round and kissed the idiot.  I should have fun while I'm at it right? I patted his cheek and left.  Looking around, a couple of people started giving me weird looks.  I love the attention as you might have inclined onto suspecting.  It's fucking amazing, but I somehow have a feeling that this will bite me in the ass later on in life.  Karma is like that with me. I galloped my way to my apartment.  It's on the eastern side of Konoha, if you looked straight forward from the Main Gate.  It's a cheap communal complex, with a quirky land lord.  He was senile all right and creepy too, and would always ask me about some 'tips' in bed.  Poor old guy thinks that I would sleep with him.  I'm having a bit of trouble with lifting my legs.  Did we do it that rough?  Was he into S &M?  I imagine that I will sport some new bruises by tomorrow morning.  One step after another and finally I reached my apartment door.  I fished my keys out, poked them through the hole, and turned them.  I found my mother with a mug of steaming cocoa relaxing on the sofa.  She sighed and greeted me in.

"Ohayo Mara-chan. How's been work?"  She knew what I did.  She used to do it herself too.  That's how she ended up with me.  She told me that she had a few too much drinks and jumped a ninja.  She says that I have his bad taste in music.  What does she know about music?  She's just an old prune.  I sighed.  "Fine mother. I got myself an Uchiha."  She perked up and turned.  I walked towards the main bathroom and looked into the cabinets.  So where were the condoms and the pills?

 "Really now, was it good?  Did you get any dough?"  I finally found the two boxes which we seemed to never be out of stock with.  I grabbed a few foils and threw them in the bag.  Then I set out to take my pill.

 "Yes I think so and no I didn't.  I left in a hurry."  I returned to the living room/dining room.  She set her mug down and went to fill me a glass of water.  She gave me the glass and watched me do my routine precautions.

 "Well then I guess you have a better sex life than I ever had.  I couldn't get a hold of those guys since they seem very secluded and cold too."  I nodded.  I can hear you screaming: "What the hell are you talking about with your mum?"  You see, my mother was never a mother to me.  She was a friend.  Plus, she's one hell of a bad influence, but I guess we're like two peas in a pod.  I got her looks, her body and her character, not to mention her brains.  Yup folks, when it comes to grey matter, I'm a bit on the skinny side.  I'm downright stupid and loud, wear short skirts and high heels and smoke disgusting cigarettes.  I tan easily and I have a curvy body.  But sometimes I imagine myself with a little more brain cells, like a teacher or maybe even a ninja.  I never had a father figure in my life.  Sure my mother had a few flings with guys, but they were just guys.  They were just toys.  That's what I learned from my mother.  "Never treat a guy like he's your superior.  They hate that.  You need to be ferocious, like a wild cat.  That's how you make them feel young and cool.”  That is one of my mother's rules.  Another one is: "Always choose Durex.  They're the most durable neh?" My mother was fucked up when it came to parenting as I'm sure you have noticed.  I hope I'll never end up with a baby like she did.  I'll make another mini-me.  There's already one in this world, who needs another?  I excused myself to my bedroom, slamming myself on the bed.  I am so tired and my feet are aching.  They're numb.  A little nap wouldn't harm anyone before my other round now would it? 


	2. Faith and Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mara-chan is so melodramatic, especially when she's slightly tipsy. I love her.

"I work for the Hokage you know? I'm a ninja. You wanna see my pecks?"  This guy is so into himself.  He isn't even a looker… I guess I should act the dumb girl part with him.

 "Oh my, you're a ninja.  Wow a hunk that's protecting our village, I like that!  Hmm, you've got such strong arms!  I wouldn't mind having those carry me anytime…"  Yuck. It's a routine with guys like these.  Just footsie ‘em and you get them hard.  Lift the leg up, stroke his shin very slowly and rest hand on knee.  I could do this blind folded.  Heh, I sometimes did, if you know what I mean ( ~~of course you do~~ ).  The look on his face is priceless!  He ordered another round of drinks.  I sipped slowly on mine watching intently as he got out his wallet.  Look at all that paper!  They could use some help… maybe I should free them.  Yeah, I should…  Giggle, flutter eyelashes and grope.  He literally swallowed a piece of ice!  I could go on all night.  And that I will until that precious paper was in my hands.  This was textbook!

"You'ra friskieee one ehhh?  Wanna get dow' an' dirty bitch?"  He slurred.  _Bingo._   A few more shots and I'll have him like putty in my hands.  I grinned evilly at my reasoning.  He gulped down more drinks, paid for them and grabbed my butt.  I gasped and grabbed his hand.  Directing this fucker behind the pub would be easy.  We reached a dumpster.  He slammed me against the wall and groped.  "I haven't fucked in a while; I hope you could break me in." With that I let him kiss me roughly.  You must go with the flow with these guys.  Fake a moan or two in the mean time.  He was hard and pressing against my hips, ravaging my neck  Look at me lecturing you on how to successfully bait a man.  Kicking this idiot will be easy. He collapsed to the floor groaning, holding his crotch for dear life.  I straddled him and searched his pockets for my money.  They flashed happily at me, crying for their saviour.  I've come for you my babies!  Throwing the wallet at his head, I walked back out of the alley.  A breeze blew as my dress fluttered.  I walked against the flow to another bar.  I still have a few more hours until I call it a night.  Why not rejoice in the riches I was bestowed upon?  Wouldn't you agree?  No?  _Party-poopers_.  A sign flashed red.  I looked up to find a flashing leg moving up and down ecstatically.  Ahh…a 'gentlemen's' club.  This one seems legal to be in Konoha.  I walked up to the front door and entered.  Light swirled round and the smell of cigarettes drifted around the room - it was intoxicating.  Men were flung in booths as women walked around them, flirting with a small 'oops I didn't see you there!'  Pfft, if you wanna get down, get dirty I always say, or as that poor bastard slurred at me a few minutes ago.  I walked to the bar and ordered two shots of vodka, preparing for my prey.  Looking around, not many men were alone.  Some were glassy eyed; others just didn't want to be bugged.  I guess I came in here for nothing.  I sipped slowly on my drink.

Time seems to have slowed down.  It was a sad scene, really.  I spotted a few guys drinking solemnly.  One of them was holding his head down.  A scroll sprawled over their table - seems like they received one hell of a mission.  I sighed and looked to the other side.  A few seats down there was a man, maybe forty years old, drinking himself to death.  He had dark circles under his eyes and a few scars adorned his cheeks.  Tough day, neh?  I returned my gaze to the drinks on show.  They had a vast collection of vodkas and sakes.  The barman was lazing around, stealing a few shots from under the counter.  A group of young men entered the club cheerily.  All adorned a white vest and some sort of weird weapon.  A few had something hidden under their arms though I can't make out what it is.  There were only two men who didn't seem pleased which I couldn't make out the faces.  I went back to my drink in front of me. The bar wasn't one I have frequented before.  I have never felt such strong emotions hanging around.  Where was the care free life?  Not one of them held emotions in their faces; their eyes, but the expectations upon these people were etched in their movements, in the bar itself.  The atmosphere's suffocating me.  I am surrounded in a pit of experience I will never get to even smell ever in my life.  I noticed that a lot of them had headbands somewhere on their bodies.  I felt like a fish out of water.  These men were the toughest men in Konoha and I was just a flower among thorns; too weak, without tasting anything that these weeds ever had.  Dear lord this is depressing me.  I noticed that I downed my shot and had already gone for the other one.  So no pick-ups from this joint I guess.  I always believe in faith.  It was a thing my mother scowled at.

"Such a stupid thing to think about!  In my experience, faith is nothing but a false virtue.  Hope is the same thing.  Don't go on being a naïve girl!  Grow up!"  But, to me, faith was something I seemed to have clung to ever since I was a youngster.  I always had faith in father, whoever he was, that he would come back to us.  Although my mother squashed my dreams of ever finding him by deeming him dead, I had hope that my mother will find her true love.  It hasn't happened yet, but I do think that everyone is just meant for someone.  I have faith in people I meet every day.  It's some kind of safe haven which I cling to every time I feel down.  Or maybe I'm a wuss.  Well, speaking of faith in love, Karma seems to over-ride faith in that department in my case.  My first (and only) love was called Daisuke.  We were only thirteen years old.  We had grown so attached to each other, every day I used to visit him and we'd go play in the fields until a farmer comes and chases out with his pitchfork.  He had to move out when we were fifteen.  He had to go to another village because his father was starting a business.  He had promised me that he'd come back for me.

"Wait for me, will you? I'll be back in a year." It's kinda childish, I know, but I still hope that he's thinking about me every day.  That he'll remember someday to come and whisk me away to our little castle in the mountains - just a fool's paradise.  Tell you the truth; I am losing faith in the last few things I had just said.  Four years have passed and I'm still stuck here.  It's ok.  As long as he's out there alive, I'm fine with it.  I took a sip from the shot, feeling it burn down my throat.  Somehow I rebelled against what society wanted after just one year of his departure.  Basically my grades dropped and I barely finished civilian school.  So that was when I had begun my escapades.  After all, I am my _mother's_ daughter.  I thought that maybe he would be hurt by it and come back to seek revenge for my behaviour, or that he'll hate me for it, anything.  I wanted some emotion from him but I got nothing.  I still have nothing.  My mother wasn't that much of a helper either.  She had always laughed at my boyfriend.  She always spoke of how I was too young for love, how love was just something which will end in a flicker.  The last three years she started to make some sense.  I see how she used men to her advantage, but being the daughter of a whore isn't that much of a nice history is it?  That was why I loved Daisuke.  He never thought anything about my past or about my family's.  He only thought about our well-being.  Sigh, it's all in the past now.  We mustn't dwell on the past when there is the future to be bothered with right? Mental note:  Pay attention to how one should drink and not breathe at the same time. Whle I was wallowing in self-pity, I hadn't noticed that I took a deep breath while drinking the vodka.  Was it vodka or was it acid?  I coughed back some of the drink which entered my air passage.  Someone slammed into my back.   I almost doubled over the counter.  I felt the drink start to rise from my stomach.  This was bad, really bad.  I felt the bile in my mouth.  What to do, what to do?  The only way is out, or is it?  I swallowed.  I feel a whole new level of disgusted.  I attempted at hacking a bit to take away the taste.  A glass slid under my nose.  I took a sip from it then without noting the smell or taste I downed it.  Of course it was vodka.

"Take it easy, I don't want you to die on me right here!"  Whoa, seems like I might get lucky tonight after all! I looked to where the voice had come.  He was really tall.  He had scruffy black hair with a head band around his forehead.  His hand was still on my back.  It started to feel really hot under his hand.  I looked up to his dark eyes.  They had a nice flicker to them, as if humour could never leave them.  He was smirking big time, his hand never leaving its designated area.  He was leaning on to the bar counter, his other hand sat lazily on the edge.  He was cute - _very cute_.  I gave him a smile, to which he returned."Hey you look really pretty when you smile… reminds me of an angel you know?" So he's one of those guys.  I almost slumped to the floor.

 "Aw, come on Shisui-san not that lame crap again!"

 "Dude, where the hell did you get that pick-up line from? It's pathetic!"

 "Oh look now you scared her away with your shitty pick-ups…"

I swear that the aura around us suddenly changed drastically.  It felt so cold… I saw him grasp the counter so hard that it started to crack.  The barman didn't seem to mind that at all.  He was too immersed in this little pantomime.  Guess it was something normal, except for ninjas trying to hit on girls… I felt sorry for the guy.  Who wouldn't?  This could have been one of the few times he could flirt with a girl.  Why not give him what he wants?  But first, I need to stop him from destroying the bar so I placed a hand over his, "Shisui, was it? I'm Mara."  That seemed to do it.  He immediately stopped ripping the wood off and looked at my hand.  Was this too forward for him?  Now I see why the barman is interested in this.  I guess ninjas aren't what they are painted to be.  Only a few are the hot, ass-kicking shit that get all the girls and have a bunch of servants running around for them.  I don't think that they truly ever went out on a normal date with a girl.  It's always work, work, and work.  I started inching my hand away from top of his.  I think it was making him uncomfortable with the physical contact and all.  His cheeks started to turn red.  I gave him a giggle just to get him out of his mental conversation with his conscious.

He immediately sat next to me and started with the usual conversation, “Mara-chan eh?  A pretty name for a pretty girl!  It suits you well Mara-chan!"

 "Why thank you Shisui-san.  That's really sweet."

"You think so?  I mean no problem!  So what's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?"

"Nothing much - just drinking and talking to a handsome guy, you?"

"Oh really?  Where is he?  Am I taking his place?  I should go…" I saw him flounder and look around.  Are ninjas this pathetic at sensing flirting?  I should go easy on him.  He’s going to be a real tough one if this is how he’s playing. He started to get up whe I stopped him.

 "Oh Shisui-san you're so funny!  I was only talking about you, you know?  That was so cute!" He stopped himself from turning into a red tomato.  I heard a few hearty laughs come from a table a few yards away.  They were the ninjas that had come before I almost killed myself with a shot of vodka.  He seemed to know them.  I think they were the ones who called his pick-up lines lame (which kind of were I must agree).  I looked over his shoulder.  Yup, they sure where dying over there.  Some of them slammed their fists on the table, others just held their stomachs.  He growled at them.

"Hey Shisui! How about we meet your new friend?"

"Yeah, don't' keep her to yourself! We're your brothers!"

I looked uneasily at him.  "Don't worry, they won't bite -I hope…."  That made it all the better.  He directed me towards the table.  I adjusted my dress and stayed behind him.  Am I shy?  Nope, not at all, adjusting my dress seemed like the right thing to do.  I think I would throw them off if I flounced over to them with my bust almost out.  Where would my manners be?

"Guys, this is Mara-chan.  Mara-chan, these are…the guys…"

I gave them a small wave.  "Hi!  Nice to meet you!"  Isn't that how you greet new people?  Don't forget the bow!  They didn't show any emotion.  Is it really that hard for them?  It suddenly became awkward.  Everyone was looking at me.  What did they want me to do?  Strip down and dance the hula?  Don't give me ideas you-that's-just-my-imagination-you.  Shisui dragged two chairs and asked for his friends to move.  They scooted for me to sit next to Shisui and a guy with gravity-defying grey hair.  A glass appeared in front of me and it started to fill up to the top with sake.  I lifted my glass and took a sip.  With the glass still to my lips, I looked at the men.  The one next to me had a mask covering his lower part of his face.  He had his head band slung over his left eye.  He hadn't touched his drink.  Next to him was a guy with light brown hair, brown eyes and a needle in his mouth.  There was an empty seat and after that a guy with red hair and blue eyes.  Next to him was yet another guy with blue hair and green eyes.  Then there was Shisui.  They all looked at the drink.  Hell, I'll show them I could hold my liquor. When a challenge presents itself one must confront it with the daintiness of a lady.

"That won't get me drunk you know."  I told them as I wiped my mouth from any sake.  They whooped and refilled my glass along with theirs.  I guess I passed their test.  My lady-like manners have won them over big time. 

"Ah, she's one of us yeah." 

"Mara-chan, you should hang out with us!" 

"Hey Shisui you did a good job in getting her here."

They continued bantering about how it was one of the many few things Shisui ever did which turned out good.  The accused didn't back down without a fight though.  He immediately began digging deep into the crevices of their souls to say out loud their deep dark secrets.  Arata (the blue haired eccentric) still sleeps with a doll.  "What about you Mara-chan? What's your deep dark secret?" 

Oh.  Now I didn't have anything to hide except for that secret.  Yeah, that.  Should I tell them?  Scar them a little? That would ruin my newly found friendship.  Play it cool Mara-chan. 

"Um, really guys you don't want to know! I'm too boring next to you men."  I waved my hands about just to distract them form my failed attempt at trying to hide my red face. 

"Aww!   Now you really made us curious Mara-chan!  Come on, it's nothing worse than Hayate's (red hair, blue eyed smooth operator) secret of being afraid of kissing a girl…" Well bucko, comparing that to mine is like comparing an ant to an elephant.  Hey, since when did we start talking about secrets?  And when did everyone seem so close to me?  Have I mentioned that I'm claustrophobic?  Maybe I should pitch in with that…  Oh dear lord please let this be the end of it.  Gaaaah why Karma?  Could you not have refrained from throwing the proverbial shit towards the rotating fan?

 "Ok…My deepest, darkest, secret…which I have never told anyone is-"

 "I just came back from Hokage-sama.  He gave us a few weeks off." They all slumped back to their seat groaning.  The newcomer exasperatedly sighed, as if he had to deal with this every minute of his life.

"Why!  Why NOW?  Do you hate us god?" 

"Thanks a lot Itachi-sempai, now we will never know her secret!" 

"We were so close…" 

I never felt so relieved in my life ever since the time I found out that I wasn't pregnant from a stupid idiot - maybe I'll disclose that story some other time. Wait a sec - did they say Itachi-sempai?  Why does that name sound so familiar?  Yet I just can't remember from where I must have heard it - or from whom?  I'll just shrug it off.  You know I tend to forget things easily but then remember them at random moments.  Oh and I'm really bad with names!  I can remember a face but a name?  Not my forte to say the least.  I looked at the new guy sitting in the empty seat.  Fuck.  So _that's_  Itachi-sempai.  I fidgeted in my seat.  I never really did meet up again with the men I rip off and if I do, they usually don't even remember the evening – being pissed drunk usually is what I aim for in a guy.  But with that weird conversation we had and the ‘present’ I gave him before I left, I doubt that he'll forget about me - not that I'm not flattered. 

"Hey, Itachi-sempai, meet Mara-chan.  She's a newbie in the gang and was - emphasis on was - going to tell us her secret."

I gulped.  "Really?  What a shame…"  He saved my ass?  THANK YOU LOOORD!  Well, I don't see him as saying things out loud.  I silently sent him thank you vibes.  I hope that he caught those.

"Hokage-sama gave us a few weeks off until we are to be assigned for another mission.  Hayate and Arata, these free weeks are not to be spent dillydallying and forgetting your duty as ninjas.  I have already formed a regime for us to continue training."  Ouch.  That must be shit.  I sipped silently as I watched them fight over it.

"But Itachi-sempai, we just came from an exhausting mission.  Wouldn't it be fine if we just let loose for now?"

"Yeah, I feel like a loser when I hear Masaru and Kyou talking about drinks and chicks!"  Sip, sip.  This is really quality entertainment.  Let me pour some sake for you too – oh you don't drink.

"Hey, Gemna, I'm glad that Kakashi is our captain."  The bush of gravity-defying grey hair twitched at the sound of its master's name.  "Yeah me too Shisui."

"Plus, it's summer time!  We need to have fun!  And… we've got Mara-chan now, right?"  Wow these kids really hate training huh?  Suddenly I'm really glad that my brain is stupid.  I'm not stupid per se, my brain is.  Oh shut up.

"Yup, yup!  We won't let Mara-chan all alone this summer…  isn't that right Mara-chan?"  HACK!  COUGH!  When the hell did I become their excuse?  Help me; it's the second time I nearly choked on liquor.  Shisui slammed his hand on my back.  I almost flopped over to the other side.  I'm so feeble next to these guys though thank you Shisui-san.  I coughed the little sake which ran down my air passage (really, I think that this alcohol hates me), as well as the other side effects from Shisui's hits.  Swallow, drink water Mara-chan.  Remember to survive firstly and kick ass secondly.  The two idiots with the most flamboyant hair I have ever seen looked brightly at me.  All hopes and dreams were on me for these few weeks and I could easily crush them - which I will mind you.

"Uh…I don't mind that you won't be with me-"

"She's really pleading for us inside her mind.  I can see it in her eyes." 

"She needs us.  It would be like training … um … to protect a citizen!"  Itachi sighed at their attempts at boycotting their training.  He got up and waved his hand dismissively.   _Weak_.

"We'll take that as a yes!"  Remember when I told you I will crush their hopes and dreams?  Yeah, let's just keepthat to ourselves okay? I looked at my wrist watch.  Already one in the morning!  My mother should be at her apartment right now, so there's no disturbance from her.  I yawned lightly.  How time flies when you're having fun.

"Starting from tomorrow, we shall be your bodyguards!"

"It's more like today you know, being one am-"

"- Oh shit mum is going to be sooo pissed at me!  Damn it I told her that I'd be back before midnight-"

"-I guess we'll meet again then."

"I don't think that it would be wise not to escort Mara-chan home."

"Hey whadaya know?  It actually does start today!"

They said their good byes and see you soons, not without giving me a few winks and hugs.  Shisui ran out first because of his mother threatening him about being grounded.  I was still under complete shock at what happened a few minutes before when Kakashi's team went out.  Arata stretched his arms.  His shirt rode up slowly showing off his abs.  Damn ninjas and their perfected muscle structures.  "Maaa - I'm sooo tired…"  He started walking towards the door.  The rest of us followed him.  Well, it was more of Hayate using his womanizing powers and seducing me into walking before him.  Don't judge me; I'm still a woman at heart!  Hayate bid farewell to the barman as we stepped into the cold night.  It had grown colder from before.  I should have brought a cardigan with me.  Arata started walking in a random direction when Hayate reminded him of their new 'training'.

"Oh yeah I forgot.  Where do you live Mara-chan?"  He yawned deeply.

"Oh don't worry about me.  I'll find my way back-"

"A woman should not be left to wander alone in the streets, especially at night.  Who knows what might happen."  Arata smiled as he continued to flex his arms about.  What was this charade about?

"We don't want anything to happen to you.  I mean, if we left you to fend for your own, you might get lost. Then you'll panic and start running about.  You might fall down and break your ankle.  If you break your ankle you'll be in agony and start crying.  Someone might hear you crying.  What if that someone was a guy who was a serial rapist and loved S&M-"

"That's enough, Hayate."  Ah, the enchanting ice block.

"But-"

Oomph… Being handled by a man just like a farmer would with a sack of potatoes does not feel as comfortable as they make it seem in movies.  Damn these ninjas and their elaborate schemes.

"Mara-chan, you look pissed off.  That's a really cute face."  Arata formed a peace sign as he walked behind Itachi.  I assume it is Itachi because a) Hayate was walking to my left and b) There is a blue haired ninja poking fun at me.  Hayate was still rambling about how we might still be attacked by an S&M loving serial rapist.

"You don't even know where I live…"  I innocently inhaled Itachi's hair.  It's Kiwi and Mint.  I know that smell because I have the same smelling conditioner - for real.

"Well then Mara-chan, where do you live?" I wasn't going to get out of this was I?  I sighed.  Automatically I said the address in the monotonous way the postman says it when he doesn't know whether it's your mail or your neighbours.

"I live just a few blocks away from the hospital, next to the Yamanaka flower shop."

With that they flew - literally.  I mean, it was partial flying because they did step down on a few buildings, you know but still… THEY WERE FLYING.  Can ninjas do normal things like walk?  I screwed my eyes shut.  Just enjoy the biting cold wind on your back Mara-chan.  Finally my cerebellum stopped screaming as they stopped flailing about in the air and settled on the solid ground.  Suddenly I was plopped down on my feet.  Of course, they came to escort me, not give me piggy back rides.

"It was nice meeting you guys.  I had fun and all."

"Aw shucks don't make us blush!  We'll see you most likely tomorrow!  Sweet dreeeeaamss!"  And with that Arata left.  He was swaying in the wind too.  Guess he just needs some sleep.   Hayate bid us good night and left as well.  I went to search for my keys when I remembered; "You're still here Uchiha-san?"

He gave me the keys and glared.  He seems to be good at it too.  I _almost_ peed in my pants.

"You do know that a smile can make a whole day seem better.  It may even save someone's life."

"…"

"Try it!  You just stretch your mouth and till it upwards.  OH and as a bonus you might add a few teeth bearing too."

"…"

"…"

His eyes flashed red.  I gulped.  "Good night, Miss Yamato."  And with that he disappeared.  I was still in shock.  He actually twitched his mouth up when he said my name.  That's always a start to minimising that attitude of his.  I walked into my apartment (after several failures at the lift, I ascended the stairs) and went straight into my bed room.  I slumped on the bed, exhausted.  What a rowdy bunch.


	3. Lessons to be Learned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mara-chan knows what she wants, or who she wants. Hohoho.

" _Konichiwa Konoha!  This is Kimiko Karusu here with the Breakfast Show!  It is 8:30 going on to 31!  I hope that you will have a great day ahead of you!  Here is a little something to help you wake up…"_

 My head hurts. Let's take a guess at what caused it, hmm?

 a)  The music booming from the radio, or

 b)  The hangover from last night's/ this morning's get together.

 Go on, pick your favourite.  I'll tell you the answer when I get a pill.  I went through the bathroom and opened the cabinet.  Condoms, condoms, Morn after pills, more condoms…  I really should see the expiry date on these.  When I finally found the aspirin bottle (only one left - must buy more), I stuffed back the mounds of foils and pills and slammed it shut.  I went into the kitchen.  It looks like a bomb aftermath.  Pans and bowls stacked in the sink.  One of the chairs next to the breakfast table was toppled over.  Magazines littered the floor.  Some green substance was slithering across the counters.  Ugh I'll clean this after I deal with my head. At least the cutlery was clean.  I opened a cupboard and found my 'pill glass'.  Yes, I have a glass specifically for pills.  It saves me time from cleaning new ones if I can't find them (which naturally I can't).  I filled the glass with water and took a sip.  My mouth tasted so damn putrid from all of the vomit and alcohol last night.  I went on gulping the water down and refilled it.  I placed the pill on my tongue and took another sip.  The pill stayed there.  Can pills be that stubborn?  I continued to sip the water.  The pill moved about in my mouth until it settled back on my tongue.  It started to melt away, leaving a bad taste which coupled with my vomit, it's a match made in hell.  I tried not to heave it out of my mouth and continued to gulp down water.  The pill seemed to have a mind of its own.  Seriously, what do edible substances have against me?  The freaking pill finally went down.  Just into the wrong chute.  I felt just like a cat heaving out a hairball.  Suddenly, someone slammed their fist in my back.  The pill flew into the sink. It settled on my black pan, glinting victoriously.

 "Jeez Mara-chan, you're the most difficult mission we ever had!"  I kept on looking at the sink.  Was karma really such a bitch?  Not only did I lose my last pill, I almost got killed by it and my headache increased tenfold.  Ugh.  I was resting against the breakfast table with my ass popped up in the air.  It is suddenly really breezy… as if I didn't have any pants on… actually I don't remember wearing any on, just some knickers and t-shirt - was that Arata's voice?  Slowly, I turned my head round and to my horror. The ninjas are back! The ninjas are BACK!  Really now, karma is officially a bitch in my books.  How was I going to be able to walk out of this unscathed?  Do you have any ideas?  My brain just temporarily froze and so has my conscience.

"What the Hell are you doing here, Arata?"

That sounded like something anyone would say right?  I twisted my upper half towards Arata.  He smiled, showed his victory sign and just said, "You look cute with that killer intent in your eyes!"

Oh, if he thinks that this is cute, wait till I get awfully pretty.

"Puffer-fish, do you copy?  Over."  A sizzle sounded from Arata's pants.  He took out a walkie-talkie and replied, "Roger that, Tiger. Over."

 What the fuck is going on?  I looked stupidly at him.  He grinned and focused back on the voice that came out of the speakers.  "Did the Peacock show her feathers yet?  Over."

 I really shouldn't try to understand.  Arata looked over to me and then commented, "She showed me more than her feathers.  Over."  I looked at him aghast.  He looked sheepishly back.  Wait till I get my hands on you!  I jumped towards him, hissing like a kitty cat.  I successfully tackled him to the ground and straddled him.  The walkie-talkie flew somewhere into the living room.

"I may not be a ninja but I know a few tricks which will leave you with no balls."  He gulped and squirmed underneath me.  AH HA! I MADE A NINJA SQUIRM.  I think he was enjoying the little moment because he would have overthrown me in no time.  After I calmed myself down I got off of him and went into my bed room.  Better if I wear something, right?  I got out some shorts, a tee and some trainers and went back into the kitchen to clean the mess up.

"-Tiger, are you still there?  I've been attacked!  Heard me?  Attacked!  Help me!  SOS!  Over!"  I ignored him and set out to fill the sink with warm water.  I squeezed some soap and started scrubbing the pots.  After what seemed like _hours_ ~~(which really were only a few minutes~~ ) I finished with the dishes and set out to clean the gooey green substance.  Yay for scrubbing!  Scrub, scrub. Scrub. Scrub.  It was suddenly quiet.

 "How did you know which flat is mine?"

 "I followed your scent."  Scrub.  Pause.  Better try not understand.  Scrub.  The speakers came to life with a conversation:

 "Hayate, what are you doing hiding in the bushes outside Miss Yamato's apartment?"

 Oh, Itachi-sempai, we wanted to fulfill our duties as ninjas and continue with our mission.  We're spying for any intruders or strangers which might harm Mara-chan.  Arata is in there for extra security.  We had a hard time to finding which apartment she lives."

 "…"

 "Oh look, it's Arata.  What's he trying to do?  I can't make out his movements.  He's sending out some sort of signals."

 "…"

Scrub.  Rinse.  Ah…good as new.  I lifted the chair down next to the other two and sat down listening to the conversation.  The idiot left the switch on the speech button.  I mentally slapped my face.  (So does that make me slap your face since it's happening in my brain or – ouch that hurt! Jeez Louise I'm sorry okay?)  Can men be this stupid?  Ay, I see why my mother doesn't find them that pleasing.  Arata continued to flail about in the window making weird movements.  It looked like he was making the rain dance.  Head duck.  Flower.  Rock hand signal.  Head bang.  Wonder what all that meant?  An idea popped in my mind.  What if I spiced things up?  The walkie-talkie was on the armchair.  I snuck up behind him and took it in my hand.

"Hey what are you doing?  Give it back!  That's Konoha property that!"  He stepped away from the window.

"Puffer?  Do you copy?  Where did you go?"  I smiled evilly and pressed the speech button.  Now for some aria…

"Tiger?  What kind of name is that?  And who's peacock?  Really now I should call the police for this B&E you two just did.  Over and out."

Arata looked at me like I just told him that Father Christmas was just his father wearing a beard.  Well I may be ruining their little shenanigans concerning me this summer.  Yep the bitch is back in business baby!  One Mara-chan ZERO ninja-losers.  Did you see what I did?  HAH! Suddenly, I was enveloped in smoke.  I started coughing and waving the smoke away.  It was making me cry.  Hayate emerged from the smoke, along with their captain.  Resting my hands on my hips I flipped my hair and blinked the tears away.  Be strong Mara-chan.

"I believe some guys owe me an apology."

"But, we are the police."

I stared at the trio, accepting this slight defeat in logic. "…Touché."

"I'm hungry!"

"Yeah me too… Being on a constant look out wears me out."

"…" That's Uchiha-san for anyone who cannot keep up with his apt conversation skills.

You must still win this Mara-chan.  Have the dignity to prove them wrong!  "Won't you apologize for the havoc you've caused?  The neighbours aren't that friendly…"

"I think I want some pancakes today."

"Yeah!  With syrup and strawberries!"

"…" Itachi-san _please_ take a deep breathe in between _sentences_.

 "Mara-chan… you're a woman and I demand you to make us men some breakfast!"

"WHAT?  That's just sexist!  And why would I make breakfast for you three?"

 "Because we're your body guards - kinda like a payment.  Speaking of payment, why don't you make us food for these weeks?"

 "I agree.  Food is way better than money.  Although I need to buy the new book of Icha Icha Paradise."

 "…" ( _More_ words of wisdom from Itachi-san.)

 "…Touché."  And that was how I became their cook.  I haven't made pancakes in years, so I had to find my cookbook.  Where was it?  I opened a multitude of cupboards but there was no recipe book.  I'd just have to make it up from memory.  Won't this be a treat?  Butter… yes, butter was in it for sure and eggs too.  Water?  No, definitely not.  It was milk, or was it both?  Yeah both.  Okay I can do this.  I took the carton of milk along with the tub of butter and three eggs out of the fridge.  Or was it two eggs?  Yes…I think it was two.  I placed them next to the cooker.  What else is there in a pancake?  WATER!  Of course!  I'm so stupid gosh.  I filled a cup of water.  I think these shall be my greatest masterpiece yet.  Where did I put the sugar last time?  Was it in this cupboard…or that one?  Oh, this is killing my vibe. After I found the sugar I set out mixing the damned ingredients.  But there was something missing in this mix…oh well.  I stopped for a moment.  What about the milk and butter?  And what about the salt and sugar?  Oh I'd just have to invent measurements then.  I'll go with my gut feeling.  I kept adding a multitude of sugar.  They had to be sweet right?  I mixed them with a wooden spoon and set out to crack the eggs.  Beaten?  Oh who cares really?  I looked at the mess of goop lying in the mixing bowl.  Maybe I should look a bit more professional and get another bowl from the rack.  I almost dropped it when I saw Arata's face a few inches away from mine.

"You look so concentrated Mara-chan!"  I took one egg, smashed it on the side of the bowl and opened it in the bowl.  The other egg had the same fate.  Out came the whisk.  I started whisking them around until I deemed them perfect.  I poured the remaining milk I had in the carton and threw it in the bin.  I began stirring slowly.  No need for being hastened, right?  I don't want to make a mess in my now clean kitchen.  I continued to contemplate which ingredient I had forgotten.  I added flour, milk, salt, sugar, eggs…what else?  Ugh I really don't care.  I snapped my fingers just to add a bit of panache and voila!  Shit I forgot to melt the butter!  I took out a small pot, scooped the few clumps of butter out, dropped in a dollop of butter and waited for it to melt.  After two minutes I poured the butter into the bowl and continued to mix.  It was still too watery so I melted some more butter and continued to mix.  Then it stuck together good.  Wow this is looks better than I thought.  I took out a griddle and melted more butter on it.  I added a dollop of the mixture and left it to cook.  I flipped it around and after it was done I slapped it on a plate.  The first four came out perfect, but disaster struck when Arata decided to make his presence known again.

"Mara-chan?"

"Mhm?"

"Who taught you how to cook?"

"I taught myself."  Flip.  Slam.  Dollop.

"Oh… You know I know how to make sandwiches and stuff…"

"That's nice Arata."  Fizz.

"Mara-chan?"

Sigh.  "Yes?"

"Are pancakes usually brown?"

"Usually."  They started to turn from yellow to black.  Like, in a second.  So I only made four good pancakes.  I took the burnt ones and threw them in the bin along with the egg shells.  The bin burped happily.  Actually it just squeaked.  Let's imagine it was a burp.  I took the plate to the breakfast table.  "Eat."

Arata took hold of one and munched at it like a happy puppy.  So at least I passed the batter test.  Arata's face suddenly paled.  He started twitching.  Hayate seemed to like poking fun at him.

"What's wrong Arata?  Too much pancakes on your mind?  Brain freeze?"

Hayate took a pancake and munched at it.  He too paled and twitched.  "Nani?  What are you two playing at?"  Of course I knew the problem.  I fucked the batter up.  Now I murdered two ninjas with food poisoning.  Oh lord I'm going to jail!  Why?  Karma why do you hate me so?  What a sad fate.  Arata seemed to wake up from his dazed look.  "Too… sweet…"

 "You're a bad coo-"

"Shut up and eat."  I looked at Itachi.  He took a bite from one of them.  His left eye twitched but he still gulped it down and took another bite.  The other two sat quietly and munched.  I feel sorry for them, I really do - to have such a harsh leader forcing you eating things which are clearly poisoned – I would have just quit right there and then, handed in my ninja stuff and went on a permanent vacation to the tropics.  I looked at the last pancake and poked it with a knife.  ( Pfft…Just to make sure it won't attack me of course.)  I cut a triangle off and ate it.  It wasn't that bad at first, but once you made it into paste, the sugar starts kicking in.  They were horrendous.

"Yuck. I'm such a crappy cook."  I muttered as I flipped the thing over to my neighbour's evil cat. Maybe it'll die.  The cat hissed and ran to the other side.  Even animals can sense that my cooking is crap.  Silence fell between us four.  Arata was still convulsing from the sweetness on the sofa, Hayate was still a little pasty (and flunked across the armchair) but Itachi was, well, Itachi.  He was the only one from the three who seemed to have tolerated my poisons.  He didn't make himself comfortable like the other two.  He just stayed in the shadows, leaning on the door frame just like a few weeks ago.  I caught myself eyeballing him.  Dammit, it isn't what a lady should do.  What anybody should do in this case!  I was thinking about sex after eating a death-o-pancake.  It's so typically me.  I stretched out and yawned.  I was getting bored out of my mind.  I mean, I'm a girl with a certainly small brain but a dirty mind.  I'm in an apartment with three guys (ninjas= definitely with abs).  My occupation is to lure in guys to steal their money.  I usually let the hot ones have their way with me - I think I made myself clear.

I positioned myself on one of the chairs.  What was I supposed to do today?  Oh right.  I need to pay the old man his rent, buy some milk and eggs too…nah; I'll have to stock up with these guys coming over every time.  I need some new bras too - my favourite bra was ruined by a certain someone.  I looked at him.  He looked so calm.  He had his eyes closed.  I looked around.  All of them had their eyes closed.  Did I really kill them?  Oh my GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL.  I should start packing.  I need to leave this hell hole- I can't alert anyone of my whereabouts. Oh shit.

Of course I was over reacting about it.  Hayate wasn't as pale as before and Arata wasn't having seizures.  I got up from my seat and searched for my keys and purse as well as my handbag.  "Mara-chan, where are you going?  It's so hot outside, you should wear sunscreen."

Arata again.  "I'm going to do some chores -"

"- We'll help you! We are on a mission, of course!"

"But I don't wanna do chores."  Hayate, you sound just like an adult.

"Don't you have something else better to do then stay here?"  I pitched in.

They looked at me.  "Nope."  I blinked at them and they blinked back.  Really?

"Do whatever you please then."  I was always going to lose to these two.  I opened the door and waited for them to file out.  They poofed away, leaving me with potential lung cancer.  I visited the geezer and gave him the money for this month's rent.  He tried to persuade me to 'have a cup of tea' and 'talk', but of course, I refused.

"I was a masseuse when I was young…"

"Ah, how interesting but I got to go."  I ran away.  Who wouldn't?  He was inching towards me with every breath I took!  I ran across the foyer and out of the complex.  The sun was high up in the sky.  Some birds squawked.  Such a beautiful day!  Maybe I dreamt the ninjas and here I stand alone with a bag filled with junk -

"Come on Mara-chan!  The shops aren't going to wait for us you know!"

"I think that for this to be an effective part of training, we should let one person go with Mara-chan and the other two in hiding.  It's a good tactic just to deceive the enemy that they are traveling alone."  I'm just about done with all this.  Enemy?  What enemy?

"I agree.  I think that that someone should be a strong person; someone that is feared by a lot, that is also admired and hated.   Someone that can easily protect a weakling from danger…"

‘Weakling’?  Who's the weakling in this group?  I stood in front of them next to Itachi.  I can just sense the amount of shit he has to put up with every single day for the rest of his life.  Poor fellow. No, he deserves it for being such a cool bastard with hot abs and silky hair and for looking like a marble statue.  Ugh oh my God I just can't stop can I?  The two of them looked at Itachi.  "This is using time carelessly.  We should be training right now like any other normal team."

Arata and Hayate shrunk under his deathly gaze.  "We can train tomorrow.  Please let us execute this part of the training!"  Itachi's glare didn't falter one bit. 

* * *

 

All in all, Arata and Hayate got what they wanted.  They established a walkie-talkie thing with us. "Let's check them out ok?  Do you copy?"  Our walkie-talkie buzzed about.  It was creating such a scene with the villagers.  They were oogling at us trying to distinguish what the sound was.  This is going to be hell.  And guess what?  It was!  Instead of breaking the damn contraption, Itachi pried it from my hands and switched it off.  We set out to the market.  It was already ten thirty in the morning and so it was the high time for people to buy.  Stall owners yelled about to attract more customers, children played ninja with their toy shuriken, gennins and chuunins flocked lazily about.  It was a normal day in Konoha.  I blundered about next to Itachi as the crowd seemed to part around us.  We walked, sometimes stopping for me to buy a few things such as veggies.  He also helped me with the bags, to which I refused. (He still took them if you’re asking yourself whether he can just be any more annoying).   Chivalrous only in company I presume.  The walkie-talkie was still in my hand bag.  I wonder what they were doing, or where they were. 

"You there miss!"  I looked around.  A man was at a stall selling oils and perfumes… or so they seemed.  "You Miss!  In the shorts and trainers!"  Was he talking to me?  He pointed at me and wriggled his finger in a 'cometh' sort of way.  I inched towards him.  He looked at my face, and then took hold of my hands.  "You look quite exotic miss."

Yeah, like an avocado.  "You are not like all the women I've seen over here."  So he was referring to my appearance.  I left him blabber about as he stroked my hands.  Ah, where was that ice-block when you needed him?

"I am not from Konoha, so I found it strange that you do not resemble like the usual folk here.  I am from Sunakagure."  Oh a desert man.  He did have some exotic looking fabrics.  There.  That's the correct way to use the adjective exotic.  A piece of cloth caught my eye.  It was a deep purple and had golden threads woven into it.

"Silk, with gold.  It's beautiful isn't?"  I just nodded and felt the fabric.  It was silk all right!  "I'll give it to you if you give me forty ryo."

Was it worth it?  I looked around for Itachi to find him talking to some other men.  Oh well, maybe I could haggle a bit.

"20 ryo."  There, that was a good starting price.

"Now, now, it's 100% silk and gold thread, plus it is hand made.  I'll take 35."

"25 ryo."  Come on I don't have that much money.  I'm a poor woman that steals from drunken men.  Look at how pathetic my life is.  Give it to me please-

"You're quite a lady aren't ya? 33."

"27 ryo."  I hope I'll have money left for my bra shopping damn it!

"Ugh…30.  I won't go under."  Contemplating… it's a really beautiful shawl, plus he went down 10 ryo so that's saying something.  I smiled and shook hands on it.  "Nice doing business with you sir."

"The pleasure was all mine."

I looked back to where Itachi was and found him waiting for me.  He was looking up at the sky.  His hair was in a low ponytail.  He had a black shirt and khaki pants with sandals.  The shirt hugged his body gracefully.  I gulped.  Don't think about it…don't you dare!  Itachi suddenly looked at me.  His direct gaze shocked me.  I felt myself heat up.  It must have been the sun, I swear!

"Ah… You might need this for that."  The stall owner dropped something in my bag along with the shawl.  I fished it out and found a small phial.  He winked and went to another customer before I could demand what the hell that was supposed to mean.  I creeped back towards Itachi.  I looked back towards the haggler, catching his eye.  He gave me the thumbs up.  I grinned widely and waved back.  I put the phial in my handbag and placed the shawl around me.  Of course I went at him like a shark.

"Does it suit me Uchiha-san?" I batted my eye-lashes at him.  He crossed his arms and glared.  I had gained some memories of whatever happened that specific night.  I clearly remember him slurring at me:

_"Anything suits you just as long as it's mine."_ I had worn his headband across my chest (bam shaka - laka).  He kept his gaze steadily on me.  His eyes seemed to grow darker.  It was suddenly becoming hotter.  I lowered my gaze towards his eyes.  They had changed to the Sharingan.  Ah…those sexy eyes.  The eyes I seemed to be attracted to.  I went down to his lips.  They were slightly parted.  Wasn't this a tease?  I inched my face towards his. He didn't hesitate.   I need to control my instincts.

"You're such a tease Uchiha-san."  I patted his cheek and continued down the road.  I really needed some cigarettes right now.  I didn't need anything else from the market so we met up with the two idiots.  They complained that we didn't reply to their reports.  I just told them that the batteries died; much to their vapid confusion as according to Hayate he had just bought new ones.  It seemed that they caught up with the other guys I met up with yesterday.  There was a new person too, someone in a green spandex whose name is Gai Maito.  Talk about fashion sense.  They went on about how Kakashi beat up Gai in a bunch of competitions.  I wonder if they truly are 20 year olds.  I got them back to reality when I told them that I had more chores to do.

"What?  More?  But this is boooring!"

"Welcome to my life.  Why don't you be dears and take these to my apartment.  Be sure to put the milk and-"  Poof, they were gone.  Eager to leave huh?  I was left with Itachi.  I had given him a list of things that I needed to buy.

"What's the last thing I need to buy?"

"…"

"Is my hand writing that fucked up?  Lemme see."  Oh… _Bra shopping_.  I winked at him, "Come on Uchiha-san.  Don't you want to choose what you want to see me in tonight?"  That should have him fumbling.  A few heads turned.  Yeah, that'll get him pissed.  I'm _so_ good at this.  It wasn't far away from the market place.  It was just down the road which made it better as everyone saw him trailing after little miss perfect.  I expected him to stay outside but he came in with me.  "Eager one, aren'tch ya?"

 He just flashed me a deathly glare and stepped back for me to pass.  A shop assistant came up to us with a big fat fake smile any blind man can recognize, "Would you like me to show you our vast selection of lingerie?  We're already stocking up for Valentine's Day!" I waved her off and set out to scout for some good bras.  Damn February holiday stocks already in this year!  I think the assistant's comments made Itachi angrier.  He kept glaring at my back to the point I swear I could see a hole through my chest.

"There's no point in venting your anger on my back.  Now come over here if you want to learn something about women."  He hesitated, but when he noticed that I wasn't going to let him stand behind me, he came next to me.

"Ok now, Uchiha-san.  Women like different types of bras.  Do you see these?"

He just tilted his chin upwards.  The bra was a plain beige coloured bra with no padding.  "That's called a reducer.  It, well, it reduces the size.  This one enhances them.  Oh and these ones are the normal ones.  Get it?"  Ok he got it.  Now onto bra sizes.

"There are different sizes.  You can see of course.  They start from AA 24 to even H.  You might imagine how those things would be."  I looked up to see his ears red.  Success!  Oh snap Uchiha-san you're not the only one with the icy comebacks son!

"Now, when assessing sizes, you might want to go with a simple scale.  Like: Flat, average, above average, big and huge.  It's important for when you buy her clothes and stuff.

"Also, bras show what a woman feels like or is doing at the moment.  Like for example, the normal ones are for everyday use.  The sports ones are for, well sports – I think you get it.  Now these babies are for when we want to be sexy.  Got it?

"As for colours, we get a huge range.  The classics are white, black or skin colour.  Then we've got the bold colours, patterns and such.  We have different fabrics too.  Lace and kinky lingerie is reserved for sex."

A blush started to creep up his neck.  I smirked.  "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because, 'tachi-kun, when we ever do it again I want you to reflect on what I just said.  Now I'll get my size.  Oh and I'm a 36DD."  His cheeks were pink.  He continued to glare at me.   _Ah,_ the pleasure of being a tease.  I went over and took a bunch of different bras, especially the lacy ones.  I just wanted him to squirm.   Am I evil? Yes, I'm evil.  The shop assistant checked each one and placed them in a bag.  I handed her the money and we were out of the shop.  We walked slowly in the midst of the summer haze.  It was already three in the afternoon.  In no time we arrived at my apartment.  We went up the flight of stairs to my door.  I found the geezer waiting for me.

"What do you want?"

"I just came here to -who's he?"  He pointed a crooked finger at Itachi.  Itachi didn't seem fazed by the sudden change in aura.  If there was an electric current going between their eyes, then it would be sizzling.  "Oh, him?  Well, he's a friend of mine.  Now move I need to get in."  The geezer cursed his luck and went down the stairs to his apartment.  I don't want to know what he would be doing.  I opened the door and we went in.  To my surprise, empty bags hung on the door knob.  I looked into the fridge to find it fully stocked.  I'm actually proud of them.

"You should be proud of your team Uchiha-san.  They didn't screw up with the groceries." He smirked and laid the bag filled with bras on the kitchen table.  Such a gentleman.

"Oh you could go through and put those in the bedroom."  I heard the bag rustle and off he went.  Who said chivalry was dead?  I settled down with doing some tea.  He came back and leaned on the door frame.  I gave him a cup, thanking me.  I smiled and sipped.  It was so quiet.  Itachi seemed to like his peace.  It made me want to tease him more.  I drank the tea and put the teacup in the sink.  I filled it with water and left it there - I'll clean it later on.  First, I need to get some funk.  I haven't had any since I did him.  I couldn't keep my mind from wandering from that night.  I turned to find him still leaning against the door frame.  He had no cup.  I looked around to find it on the table.  Damn him and his sneaky moves.

 I grabbed it and put it in the sink alongside mine.  Then I turned to him.  He didn't seem to take any notice.  I walked slowly towards him and whispered, "What are we waiting for?"  He stayed the same position, my motives undeterred.  I went up on my toes, trying to compensate for my lack of height and lifted my left hand to his forehead protector to stroke it. I rested my right hand on his shoulder, feeling the adrenaline pumping all over my body. He opened his eyes, the crimson colour striking against his pale skin. He looked predatorial, looking for any more movements. I stepped even closer to him.  I could feel his breath flushing my cheeks. I raised my right hand up from his neck to his cheek.  I trailed my other one into his hair, finally finding the hair band; slowly tugging it off.  His hair fell around his face. I took a good hold of his hair and went in for the kill, tilting my chin upwards and pressing my lips on his.  He was still frozen.  I moved myself and added more pressure. He got the message in no time, pushing me against the door frame.  I never found a job for those fuckers, but hey! This seems to work.  A pause, some deep breaths.  I bit down on my lips, resting my head on the frame, and looked at him.  He had a murderous aura.  As much as he might be psychopathic, I must say I enjoyed remembering the night some weeks ago.  I lifted my leg around his, arched my back and grabbed hold of his shirt.  He rested his hands on my waist.  It felt so normal and oddly enough, as if he was meant to do that anytime.  The confidence - it's got to be that.  He went straight at my neck, leaving trails of light kisses all over it.  I was caught by surprise, elliciting a moan.  His grip on my waist hardened.  He continued to feather my neck with kisses until he reached my right ear.  "What jutsu did you cast?"  He chuckled and bit down playfully. 

"It's…a n-ah..."  I was having a hard time with keeping up with him.  I couldn't even make a sentence without moaning dammit. I grabbed hold of his hands and placed them casually on my butt, looking at his delicious neck.  It was screaming to me to just harass it.  I got hold of his hair and tugged back, automatically lifting his head.  I bit down on a faint bruise.  He growled, feeling it through my mouth.  I continued to kissing at his neck until I went towards his ears.  I sucked at his earlobes and he moaned.  A knock came from the door.  Who cares about them when I got myself busy?  We continued to kiss.  It was more like a war to see who takes over.  The knocking became persistent.  I moved him towards the sofa.  He obliged.  I sat down on him and pressed myself against him.  Physical contact never felt so good.  The person just didn't want to go away.  The door was almost broken if it wasn't for me saving it just in time.  Arata and Hayate stood there.

"We just came here to say good bye.  Oh and we sensed Itachi's chakra too.  Hehehe."

"Yeah, my mum told me to head home or else.  I just don't want to know what…"

"Oh, that's ok guys.  I had fun today!"  I gave them a hug each, trying my hardest to keep my erratic breathing as normal as possible.

"Remember, tomorrow we must train."

"Yes Itachi-sempai."  They said in unison.  Their relationship with Uchiha-san was more of a father-sons relationship.  They always get scolded and yet they still got what they wanted.  Itachi went out of the door after them when Arata insisted that he should explain the things he was doing and what not to his mother.  I gave him a little slap and closed the door shut, sliding to the floor - I might need a cold shower. 


	4. Booby Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Booby traps of all shapes and sizes.

Limbs entangled in sheets; a symphony of moans stealthily escaped as the bed groaned repeatedly. It is so mind-numbing. Why did I have to fall from the bed? I looked at the clock, the red figures blaring back at me - 9:00. What was I supposed to do? Oh, right, do the bed. Who knew that bed sheets were this stubborn? I manage to get out of the knot and I try to do my bed again (the key word is _try_ ), when finally everything went on how I wished it, along with my pillows and the bed spread. Giving it a satisfied nod, I went on with removing my shoes, putting them in their respective boxes and shoving them in the closet. At least my closet wasn't cluttered like the rest of the flat. I went over to the balcony and went outside. People were shuffling down the street, minding their own business. The temperature in this country is so high this summer! It made you want to strip your clothes off. But by doing that, I would go to jail for showing off. _Wink_ reader-chan.

Sweat poured down my face and fanning it away made no difference. My cheap apartment didn't come with an air-conditioner. I had to buy some rotating fans and put them on for almost twenty four hours straight. I took out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling the smoke. I haven't indulged in these babies since the day before. I set the fag between my second and third finger and looked out at the street life. A northern wind picked up. Thank the lord for listening to our pleas! The huge black shirt swayed in the air, revealing my knickers. They're cute panties - pink polka dots with a bow at the front! The world should know of bargain pant sales down by the mall district - it has saved me on extra nightly prowls if you know what I mean. I took another puff from the cigarette and looked about. The sweating didn't cease. I lift my hair over my head, only to notice the split ends. It really needs a cut. It was once straight, but when I cut it in layers, it started to curl. Now it's a wavy mass of black.

I took in the last drag and stamped the fag out. I tried to wipe away the sweat from my forehead. A shiny object caught my eye, remembering the shiny get-up ninjas wore - of course it's a headband. I wonder if ninjas feel hotter with those around their heads or where ever. This one was a blue colour, some of them black. Aren't those colours the most absorbent of heat? Plus, with those fishnets or those jounin vests, don't they feel a bit stuffy? One thing I'm not actually missing from not being a ninja is the fashion. They have a weird style, which totally sticks out. If we take for example the group of girls giggling down the street, they most certainly are kunoichi. Why? Apart from the headband, just look at their clothing. It's comfortable and simple, but with their added ninja funk. You can't describe it. Anyway, I can't. The group of girls continued to giggle away out of sight. They seemed to be looking at another group of shinobi. Ah, young love…

It might be time to go back inside, seeing as I can _feel_ the stink of sweat rising from my armpits. I walked into the bathroom and hopped out of my clothes, stepping into the shower and scrubbing away the grime of summer. I pried the shower door open and groped for the towel. Once found, I towelled myself dry and went into the bedroom for my underwear and clothes. I settled for a white dress and sandals. I tried taming down my bush of a hair and set out putting on the clothes. This dress didn't need any bra, to my relief, as it always made me itch when it's hot. I decided to take a new bag for today. I was feeling a bit beach-y, so I went for the colourful woven bag. Maybe I could drop off near the river to keep cool? Well it's a blessing I knew where I lived and a few streets around, let alone going round exploring the village on what might be the hottest day of the year. I dropped in my purse and a bunch of other stuff. I went out of the apartment not forgetting my keys and slammed the door. I used the elevator as someone kindly waited for me to go in with them.

It was my neighbour, the one with the annoying cat. She smiled sweetly and stroked the cat which lay across her shoulders. The cat hissed at me and started to growl. Kitty cat and I over there are the best of enemies. We hold out contest on who gets to not pee in my bushes, or on who gets to eat the rotting tuna. I usually win of course. It was a long ride down even though I was only on the second floor. The cat just made it extremely difficult with the constant jabs in meow language. I usually just curse him back in human language. It's not fair when he seems to understand what I'm saying when I only hear hisses and growls. I let the old lady walk out of the lift once we landed on ground floor. She wobbled her way towards the door and stepped down the steps, one by one, until she reached the bottom at street level. I really don't want to end up like her when I get older.

I walked out into the sweltering heat of Konoha. Where was I off to? I don't know. I'll just wander around until I find a place in the shade. The thing is that in Konoha, all the best places where one wants to be left alone and quiet in the shade would have already been taken. It was either choosing between quiet, shade, or alone. The other thing is that in Konoha, there aren't many places were one calls them quiet or alone. There is always someone snooping around, being all ninja on you. So where does my rant take me? Truly and absolutely nowhere. I continued to walk down the streets of Konoha, unsuccessful in my scavenger hunt for the best place to relax. I had passed the playground, the Ninja Academy and the Hokage's office as well. I looked around and decided on a random direction, continuing on until I found myself in the middle of a clearing. The trees around it were cut or scorched, and a few dummies were decapitated. Surprise, surprise, I was in the middle of a training ground. I heard loud voices come from my left.

"Ehh I'm so tired I can't feel my legs! Can we take a break? Pleeeaaaseee?"

"For once I do agree with what Puffer-fish is saying." Is this luck or what? I followed the whines towards my newly found body guards. Arata was on the floor spread eagle, with Hayate crouching next to him. Itachi stayed upright, without a hint of exhaustion I might add. He seemed to be talking. Time to make my entrance:

"Hullo boys!" I hollered and waved my hands about. When I grabbed their attention I sauntered towards them. It all seemed to slow down. My dress flapped about my legs, feeling a slight breeze pick up. I shook my hair about, making it seem like a shampoo commercial, flashing them a smile worth any toothpaste advert. I looked absolutely stunning against the odd tree or bush caught on fire. In actual fact, the smoke made me seem like an angel coming to save plebians from the apocalypse. A sexy angel of course-

"Don't step on the booby-!"

-I face palmed the ground. Why did I wear a white dress in a ninja village? Apparently I tripped on some wire which mysteriously appeared just before Hayate shouted out his half-assed words of caution. I heard an annoying whizzing sound. Suddenly I was dragged across the clearing at the speed of light and flunked 20 feet into the air. I then ended dangling upside down from a tree. All this happened while I exercised my vocal chords.

" -traps."

The skirt part of the dress turned downwards over my face. Nice, now my panties were on show. Holler up! Holler up! Come see the magnificent and outstanding skin coloured panties! I tried lifting the skirt upwards to cover up. After a few seconds of keeping it up, I turned to face the tree trunk. Now my butt wants to share the lime light. Really, does Karma have something against me? I kept on turning like a hog roast. It was starting to become painful from the stress of the thin wire against my ankle. My other leg was going wild around trying to stabilize towards gravity. I must look like a pathetic tomato on a kebab. I heard the three men walking in my general direction. They stopped. I twirled round to find them all with a smug look on their faces. I'm so gonna smack that thing off right now! No, wait, I'm stuck. Bummer.

Grass. Leaves. Tree trunk. Smug faces. Clearing. Repeat.

"Nice taste in lingerie Mara-chan!" Arata, the doofus, said.

"I never knew you had a beauty spot on your butt!" Hayate just had to point out.

"Tch…" If you didn't notice, that was dear old hunk-o-ice, Itachi. Of course he knew about that beauty spot. Hayate and Arata doubled over laughing. My glares seemed to add fuel to the fire. I could feel my blood welling in my skull. I'm getting a tad dizzier then before. The two idiots calmed themselves. I'll show them how angelic I can be.

"Come on guys, I'm dizzy!"

Grass. Leaves. Tree trunk. Clearing. Repeat.

Wait a second. Where did they go? I turned round to find them walking away from me. Seriously! Is this for real?

"Boys this is not funny!" No reaction. They won't leave me here; they're not those types of people… right?

"How about we eat at the Ramen Bar?"

"Yeah, I could use some miso… how 'bout you Itachi?"

"…Whatever…"

They continued on walking as if I wasn't there. Did they suddenly become immune to my whines? My mother once told me that when I was born, the nurses and doctors had a migraine from all of the whining and yelling I did.

"HEY! GET ME OUT! LET ME DOWN!" Poof! I'm doomed.

Grass. Leaves. Tree trunk. Clearing. Repeat.

Now this scenery is getting really boring. I checked my wrist watch, straining to look at it upside down. Try it sometime; you'll know how I feel. It was already eleven o'clock. How long had they been missing? Are they going to leave me here? Will they even deign to check on me after their meal? They need to continue training, and by the looks of it, Mr Icy isn't going to give them the rest of the day free. But will they come back to this training ground? What if other people use these grounds? That would be embarrassing to explain… What if they forget about me altogether? What if I have to spend the night here like this?

…What if an S&M loving psychotic rapist is out on the loose?


	5. Sluuuurp!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramen and Ninjas, is an otp.  
> Students and weird women hung from a tree on the other hand, is a different story.

Meanwhile at Ichiraku Ramen Bar…

"Hullo there Arata-san! How have you been?" Teuchi asked politely to one of his most frequent customers.

"Oh same old! It's the norm for me old man!" Hayate sidled up to the wooden bar, proving his worth as an obidient client by showing off his skills at twisting the barstool three-sixty.

"Coming right up!" Hayate and Arata settled on the seats facing the kitchen. Ayame rapidly threw some noodles in the boiling water along with shrimps and other delicacies. She hummed a simple song while chopping some vegetables and pushed them off the board into the huge steel pot with the noodles. She then separated the noodles into two bowls. Afterwards she split the broth between two pots. She added miso paste to one and pork beef to the other.

"You know, I think we should go easy on Mara-chan…"

"Pfft, nah… it's just a joke. She'll get over it." Two bowls slid across the table surface. They thanked her and split the chopsticks simultaneously. The ramen didn't stand a chance against these two. Within a minute flat, the bowls were squeaky clean. They ordered another two.

"Hey Hayate long time no see!"

"Yo it's the perverted trio! What's up?"

"The only guys perverted in this group are Gemna and Kakashi, not me!"

"Whatever you say Ero-no-Shisui…" The new group sat next to them and placed their order. They seemed to have ended their training as they were sweating and had a few cuts here and there. The five shinobi argued back and forth about what a pervert really was.

"You cannot confuse perverts with art lovers."

"I don't know Kakashi… your book series is just plain porn."

"Don't tell me you, Hayate, the alleged 'Smooth Operator' hasn't read any yet?" Kakashi peered from over the top of the book.

"Pfft of course I have! What made you think that?"

"Well, that's just being a hypocrite then."

"Anyways, that proves the point I made. Plus, don't look at me only. Gemna goes through chicks like women change clothes and Shisui can't handle being touched by a woman without having a nose bleed."

"Hey! That's not true!"

"Well, Hayate does have a point there." Five bowls appeared in front of them. They immediately dug in, relishing the taste. They resumed their banter.

"Prove to me that I can't handle a woman."

"Well, what about Mara-chan?" Shisui cheeks tinted pink. He remembered the night he met her. She had touched his hand. SHE HAD TOUCHED HIS HAND! It had left a tingling sensation. Was it normal? _"For a ninja, yes."_ That's what his father had told him anyways.

"Point proven. Cased closed." Genma tried to say while he chewed on a mouthful of noodles.

"Speaking of Mara-chan. She really misses you guys."

Shisui perked up. "She _does_! I mean…" he shifted his eyes and lent onto his fist, trying to look disinterested, "She does?"

"She didn't say those words Arata."

"But I saw it in her eyes when we told her about meeting you yesterday. She looked really sad…"

"Whatever… Actually… do you remember the night when we met her?" Of course I do, Shisui thought. The tint in his cheeks darkened. He glanced over to Kakashi, finding him rubbing his tummy with a satisfied glint in his visible eye. His bowl was set in front of him and was mysteriously empty. Wonder how he does it… Gemna kept on stuffing his cheeks with noodles. Some dangled from his mouth.

"Yeah… what about it?" Munch, munch… gulp.

"Who wouldn't forget a night like that? She's an interesting woman." They all froze. Kakashi looked around confused. Did he say something wrong?

"Come again?"

"Did I hear clearly?"

"Kakashi's not asexual? Has the Kyuubi attacked again?" Kakashi glared at them all. Just because he didn't take any notice of the opposite sex didn't mean that he lacked interest in other women, he was just a hard-to-get bachelor who needed a certain type of woman to touch his cold, cold heart. He didn't want to hear the whines and groans he'd hear if he ever dated a girl, plus, he didn't want the girl to go through hell due to his obsessive fan club. Looking around, they all seemed to have a fan club each. Itachi as well, being the only one not present at the time.

"No, I'm not interested in her in that way. She's quirky. End of sentence."

"Oh… shame… Anyway, continue on what you were saying Hayate."

"I just noticed that she hasn't told us her secret yet. Not that I'm curious, but she's got dirt on all of us… 'cept for 'tachi-sempai, and we don't have anything on her." They all paused to think. That did make sense. She escaped from the moment of exposing herself to them when Itachi interrupted them. They had somehow forgotten about it after Hayate and Arata talked the Uchiha into not doing any training by becoming Mara's body guards.

"Yeah, I see where you're going here Hayate. I think that it's high time we exposed her secret. It's only fair."

"So what are we going to do about it?"

"Maybe we should… I dunno…hang out with her a little more?"

"Good thinking Gemna. This is a new mission fit for the five of us."

"What should we call it?"

"Names are not important for now." Another round of ramen later, they all were immersed in putting the plan together.

"Maybe we could disguise ourselves as village folk. That way she would be her natural self with strangers."

"No she would act differently towards foreigners. I think we should stay as we are."

"I like the way you're thinking, Kakashi!"

* * *

  
Really now, are all men this unreliable? They haven't even come back from their break yet! I am still dangling from this fucking tree with my right leg askew and both arms are quickly getting numb. I hope that they choke on their ramen…

* * *

"Whoa there Arata, take it easy!"

"Sorry…the noodles somehow went down my trachea…"

* * *

It's been an _hour_ since I have gotten myself in this position. The heat is killing me! The only thing positive about me being upside down is that my hair isn't stuck to me with sweat. I looked up towards my straight leg. My ankle is red and the pain is unbearable. Such fun.

"HELP! HEEELP!" My voice echoed across the clearing and died into the trees. No use in losing my voice over nothing… I had been yelling the same phrase for over a whole hour. Isn't there someone who is in my vicinity? Anyone?

Click…click! CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! I looked up to find a squirrel on the trunk. It ran all the way to the branch which I hung from. Wonder what it's doing? I strained my eyes to see its movements. Its tail swished round as it looked at me. I stared back. A couple of minutes later it touched the string. It poked and smelled it. After it deemed it harmless, it caught hold of the thing. Am I lucky or what? I looked at it pleadingly.

"Come on boy, cut the rope…" It looked at the rope, then at me, and back again towards the wire. Unsurprisingly, I have made the wrong assumption of it being a genius squirrel. You do know what you do when you assume, right? I made an ass out of the squirrel and myself. Fuck. It started climbing down the rope, but it didn't stop. It went to my leg and poked my ankle. After what seemed like a million pokes, it ran down my leg. I tried to shake it off, but to no avail. It continued downwards towards my panties, onto my belly and stopped just above my boobs. It poked them. What a pervert! I tried shaking it off but ended up twirling around. I'm getting a bit dizzy again… I can't believe I'm still alive with the blood rushing down to my mind. Heh, maybe it's 'cause I have no brain hehe. The squirrel groped its way over my boobs and onto my neck. It poked one of the hickies. Is it really that much of a sadist? After molesting my neck with jabs, it clawed its way onto my face. Yeah. My face. It started to scratch about. The more I yelled the more it dug its nails into my skin. My yells were muffled with its fur.

"Ge-mm fff--ck --ff mmmm fa-sss!" CLICK! It scratched my cheek. I hissed. It hissed back. Friends? Squir-zilla moved its claws and went back to my neck. I can finally breathe normally without being smothered with fur.

Grass. Leaves. Group of people. Trunk. Repeat.

WAHH! PEOPLE HAVE COME! RING THE BELLS! HALLELUJAH!

"Now students, this is a training ground. It is where ninjas come and train to become stronger. You would someday do the same as them! Any questions?" A girl stuck her arm up.

"Yes Sakura?"

"What is that in the tree Iruka-sensei?" The guy which seems to be Iruka turned towards my tree. Now is my time to shine:

"Hey help me out here! I'm stuck!" The guy suddenly had a major nose bleed and fainted. I wonder why? Konoha heat must have done him over. The kids jumped over their sensei and walked towards my form. Great, a bunch of kids just got to see their first half naked woman. This is not what I need!

"What are you doing up there lady?" I tried to stabilize myself. Once the turning stopped I looked at who spoke. It was a blond girl with cerulean blue eyes. Her hair was made into a high ponytail. She'll be one heck of a head turner one day. Until that day comes, I – Mara-chan shall hold that title like it was the last thing ever existing on this planet.

"Just enjoying the view of Konoha whilst upside down, what the fuck do you think I'm doing?" The girl twitched at the swear word and gasped. She pointed her finger at me and yelled that I said a bad word.

"Yeah kid… I'm not in a good fuck-freaking mood right now. So get me down from here. Pronto." The girl just stuck out her tongue and turned her chin up. She'll be a bitch one day too…

"What's that on your neck?" So they noticed my furry friend! I sighed and mentally slapped myself. They didn't know how dire this situation is? My, my! And they're going to be ninja someday…

"That's a squirrel."

"Why is it there?" This time the girl who noticed me the first time spoke. She had pink hair and green eyes. She looked really sweet, apart from the fact that she kept on blushing when she looked at a certain dude.

"Who fucking knows? Ok! I know I just swore Blondie! No need to be a kiss ass!"

"Yeah Ino pig!"

"Shut up Sakura-forehead!"

"Pig!"

"Forehead!"

"PIG!"

"FOREHEAD!" I took the time to tune out their bickering and take a look at the group. The sensei was still recovering from the hot flush, while a few other students helped him out of it. Apart from the two girls mentioned before, there were a few others like a girl with dark purple hair. Seriously, how did their mothers let them dye it? Another one had her hair in a bun. She and the purple haired girl were the only ones who weren't checking out some guy's butt. I averted my gaze towards said victim. He was really pale, with black hair (which abnormally stood out in a weird way…kinda reminds me of a chicken…) and black eyes. I see why they kept checking him out. He was one cute cookie! He reminds me of someone I know, hm…

"SWINE!"

"BILLBOARD-HEAD!" The squabble continued on. I tuned them out again. There was also a kid with a spiky ponytail and the other guy look like a tub-o-lard. I gazed at the duo. One of them was munching away at his chips and the other was taking a little snooze on the grass. Wow. Is the future of Konoha in the hands of these dweebs?

"Hey lady I'll save ya!" I looked towards a kid with blond hair and blue eyes. He wore an orange track suit. Fashion sense…anyone? Suddenly another familiar whizzing sound echoed through the trees. I looked around to see a shiny silver thing come at my face. Is it the end? I haven't even written my will yet! I heard a few snips and gasps. Did it impale me? I looked down to find a few some dark strands flailing their way down to the ground. I'm still alive! What was my hair doing on the ground though?

"Shit… Sorry!" I went to feel my hair. It was normal on one side, but it suddenly started diminishing in size on the other side. Oh fuck…

"What the _fuck_ did you _do_ to my _hair_?" I feel like crying. No wait, I am crying. The tears went down towards my temples. The orange dweeb cut my hair at an angle and I still am dangling in the air. Is this day going to become worse? The squirrel clicked and clawed its way back up my leg and onto the tree. It started throwing acorns at me.

"Pfft you idiot, leave it to the pros." It was the first time I heard the Chicken Head's voice. There were a few girls who pitched in saying that 'Sasuke-kun is right!'

"Naruto stop trying to beat him! You'll never succeed!" Ouch. That must have hurt. Suddenly, yet another whizzing and shiny thing came towards me. This time, it hit the target precisely. I feel so relieved that I didn't suffer any injuries from this one (I suffered hair loss from the other shiny thing, okay? Humph!). At that moment, my inner shinobi sprung to life and I did a magnificent somersault, my white dress flapping around me like angel wings. _Yeah right_.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!-oomph."

* * *

The five shinobi eating at the ramen bar suddenly flinched at the sound. Everyone in the streets paused for a moment. The screech echoed and then stopped. The civilians continued on with their routines, while the shinobi continued discussing their top-secret mission.

* * *

I can't feel my body. What have I gotten myself into? Did I do something wrong in my past-life to have affected me so badly? _Why?_ Karma is one hell of a vengeful bitch! I kept my eyes closed. I'm not gonna waste energy opening them. Opening them would surely make my head even dizzier. I felt some footsteps and heard a few whispers.

"Is she dead?" Guess not, I flinched when the kids started poking (with all their might) my face. I let out a gut-wrenching moan, all the time promising my inner heart of inner hearts that if I do die, I will come back and haunt all these little kids and those three stupid shinobi who left in this sorry state.

"Look whatcha did Sasuke-teme! You killed her!" The orange dweeb yelled. Please don't yell in my ears. My precious body is still recovering from the fall you dingus.

"Tch…"

"Shut up Naruto! It's not his fault she fell like that! She should have known how to land if she's a ninja-"

"She isn't." It was like a voice of an angel. I cracked my eyes open to find Itachi in my line of sight. He was checking my ankle, groaning when he touched it. I heard the clicking of the squirrel. It sniffed my face and rubbed its tail against it. HAH! Now who's guilty? Itachi checked my left hand. My wrist was busted, along with a few fingers. I landed on my butt, but I tried to cushion the fall by placing my arm under it just in time - seems like my theory fucked my arm up. He reached up to my face. He moved it left and right slowly, trying to see my new collection of scratches. The kids were too quiet. I looked over to them. They all looked at me in guilt, especially the blond one. I frowned at them, successfully increasing the pain twice fold. Mr Ice-block placed his hands around my back and my legs and lifted me up. It would have been one hell of a turn on if it were in a different situation. Ugh! I just have to think about sex during all this. Damn it now I feel so hot, must be the sun getting to me…

"WHAT DID YOu DO?" Their sensei shouted at the kids. Seems like he woke up from his haze. Great, my migraine happened to shout out a ' _FUCK YOU_ ' towards the shout-ee. Iruka bowed down and whispered an apology. I moaned. The pain…is unbelievable… I can barely see a few meters away from me.

"I'm sorry, Itachi-sama… Please forgive us."

"It's not a problem. Sasuke, I need to talk to you once you get back home." The Chicken Head lowered his gaze and nodded. With that the Uchiha and I were off across the clearing. I never noticed that Mr Hunk-o-Ice was comfy… Maybe a little nap wouldn't do any harm...

* * *

  
"Well, guys, I think it's settled. Just spend as much time with her as possible. Keep an eye out for any ambiguous movements or sayings."

"Ay, ay cap'n!"

"This is going to kill my mojo… Now girls will think that I'm interested in only her…"

"We'll do it on the sake of our secrets! Right guys?"

"Yeah Arata and I agree. ‘ _Mission: Finding Mara's Secret_ ’ is finally commencing. Meeting adjourned."

They shook hands on this and went on eating their sixth round of ramen. Suddenly, Arata shot his head up and asked, "Hey Hayate… It's been bugging me a bit today, but, I feel like we've forgotten something…?"

"Humm … Nah it's your imagination Arata. Do you want the shrimps?"


	6. God, is that you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara-chan doesn't understand the ins and outs of ninja decorum. Needless to say, Mara-chan successfully alienates herself from the few friends she has.

_"Miss Yamaaatoo?"_ A voice echoed in my head, the sound bounced through the empty spaces in my skull. Is it supposed to echo that much? Maybe I really do have an empty head. I cracked my eyes open and was met by the most heavenly sight ever. Itachi's face loomed over mine, the heavenly scent of avocado and mango shampoo/conditioner combination filling my lungs to their utmost capacity. Ahhh if I knew death was like this, I would've died years ago. His face peered closer. He looks so fine even here surrounded by this unearthly amount of whiteness. What's next? Hot-bodied angles wearing togas? Will they feed me grapes and massage my shoulders all day long? That'll be the life, or in this case, death. Itachi's face twitched to the side and he seemed to be saying something. I reached my hand forward and stroked his cheek. I sighed, bringing myself closer to my heaven. Maybe whispering my confessions to an angel would absolve me of my sins. ' _God, is that you? Please listen to me, I know I've been a bad girl … okay, a very bad girl, but I tried, honestly! It's wasn't my fault that I had to do that! I…_ '

BEEP … BEEP…BEEP…. Damn, heaven's got some shitty music! I turned my head towards the source of the sound and came face to face with a pair of wide blue eyes staring intensely at me and a deep, devilish grin stretched over his teeth.

"Wha- what the hell are you doing in heaven?"

"Oh damn, and she was on the verge of spilling everything." Arata whined right next to my ear. I clapped both hands over my ear - or tried to as one of them had a huge chunky, cast over it.

"Bummer man."

"And we were so _close._ "

"What's going on exactly?" I croaked, still disoriented from my abrupt waking-up.

Itachi took over, ignoring the others' clamouring. "You're in hospital Miss Yamato. I had brought you here after the fall you took a few hours ago. I, as team leader, deeply apologise for our behaviour." Whoa, no one has ever done that to me. I started to feel uncomfortable.

"Uchiha-san, uh, you can stop that." I said, twiddling what was left of my once long hair. Suddenly, I heard a gasp.

"Ah shit! Go back to sleep, Mara-chan!" Shisui screamed, inducing an even bigger migraine, "The nurse said that you were supposed to sleep for another hour or so, and we still haven't bought you any flowers!"

"HAA! You're right!" That was Arata's annoying voice; by the way, "This is all a _dreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaam_!" He started waving his arms wildly in the air. "This is all just a figment of your _imaginatiiiioooon_! When you wake up, we'll be here plus a _big_ bouquet of flowers!"

"What's your favourite flower, by the way?" Hayate inquired.

"…uh Lily?" And with that, Hayate, Arata, and Shisui poofed out of the room, leaving me with Itachi, Genma and Kakashi. Damn, I should've said rose so I'll make them pay more. Kakashi averted his eyes and shoved his nose into his little orange book. Genma fiddled with his kunai set, twirling them round. I shifted my sore neck towards Itachi and found him fixing me with the deepest glare ever. What have I done wrong _now?_ I turned towards the bedside table, next to the beeping machine thing. There was a glass of water sitting on it. My throat feels like sand paper and I really need some liquid. I reached my good hand over me, I really tried! But, you see, my leg is currently in the air supported by this strap contraption and I just can't move easily.

"Uhhh-!" I tried to reach over and just as my fingers touched the cool glass, somebody stole it! How dare them! It was Itachi, holding it loftily in his hand, his left hand - the hand _I_ have currently broken. I puffed my cheeks and brought out my right hand and he obliged. I sat back and sipped it while I contemplated on what had just happened in the past six hours.

* * *

 

The three shinobi had never ever been surrounded by this amount of flowers and frankly it had made them edgy as if some creepy flower man was going to jump out at them and coerce them into buying tulip seeds just like the old woman behind the counter tried to do. The long walk out of the shop was meant to show case the variety of flowers but underneath, they could see a thriving community of spiders, crawling all over the place. _Yuck._ Hayate, Shisui and Arata wobbled out of the shop, their hay fevers acting up. The bouquet of orange and red tiger lilies was resting in Hayates' arms as they walked towards the hospital.

* * *

The nurse just came in and banished the boys out of the room to give me an examination, but not before giving them a once over. Oh _lady._ She explained to me the injuries I had sustained. Basically, due to my fall, I had sprained my ankle and broke a few fingers, and because I was left hanging like a piece of meat, I had fainted from heat exhaustion. Somebody's gone _get it._ Oh, I have a few names in mind. She left and the three guys tromped into the room, taking their places, almost as if they were posing for a magazine shoot. Just then, the other three guys burst into the room, and surprisingly, they did get me flowers. They placed them on the bedside table and gave me a grin. I returned the favour with a glare. Awkward silence decided to grace us with her presence and filled the whole room with her not so lovely decorum. I looked between the culprits, gauging them on who would crack first and start begging for my forgiveness. I started with Hayate. We kept on staring until he started to break a sweat. Then he shifted his gaze to the flowers and went to arrange them. He continued to arrange them even though they were perfectly still on the surface. He muttered that they were too damn curvy. I kept on staring at him. My glare seems to be getting to him! Wow I'd never thought that I could get underneath his skin like this. I looked towards Gemna. He was back at the window looking out towards Konoha. Next to him was Shisui. Shisui fidgeted but kept on looking out. I shifted my gaze towards Kakashi. Our eyes only met for a split of a second before he nosedived into his orange little book. I kept on staring at the book. _'Icha Icha Paradise'?_ Wasn't that some perverted series by a perverted ninja of some sort? Wow, I never knew that Kakashi was into those things. I blinked myself out of my revelation and looked back at Hayate. He grumbled something.

"I need to pee." And with that Hayate ran out of the room. That left me with Arata and Itachi. I'll start with Ice Block first. Unsurprisingly, Itachi looked at me head on. We held a little glare competition. My left eye started twitching. I swear, these three are so going to bow down before me! I'll force them to do it too! I huffed and pouted. It's not fair! Uchihas are born masters of glares! Damn you Itachi! Damn you and your hotness! I looked for Arata but he wasn't where I first saw him. Where did he go? I looked about until I saw a flash of blue open the door ever so quietly… I'll show them who is boss in this group. I glared and repeated the phrase I told them only six hours ago.

"Arata-san, you're not leaving me here, are you?" Arata froze. He twirled slowly around and flinched as I went full frontal with my death-glare-o-doom. Feel the burn you _blue-haired space-monkey_. He scratched his neck sheepishly and glanced around trying to avert my gaze. Is that all you've got Arata- _kun_? Suddenly, my _inner kunoichi_ came out and with my awesome chakra slammed the door close. Arata frantically went to open it but to no avail! I laughed maniacally while I cast a jutsu on both Itachi and Arata. They started screaming like little girls while my epic jutsu attacked them. Arata scratched all over the door and slid to the floor unconscious while Itachi flung himself over the bed. _AHAHAHAHAHA!_ Actually Arata did try and run out of the room but Hayate appeared and slammed into him, sliding down on the floor. He lifted himself up and turned; only to find my face a mere inches away from him. (Thank the heavens for a small room). My glare increased trice fold. He started to hyperventilate.

"Um…uh….oh…. Help me!" Arata slammed to the floor kneeling with his two hands lifted up and put together. Was this a confession?

"I'm _SO_ SORRY MARA-CHAN! PLEASE FORGIVE _ME!_ " I successfully beat up one of them, now for the next two. I lifted my chin and gazed towards Hayate. He's going down next… Hayate gulped. He also fell more gracefully on the floor next to Arata.

"Please Mara; no more…you're killing us…" Two down, one to go! I harrumphed and looked at Itachi. He seemed to know what I was aiming for and gave me his back. How dare him! What a _prick_! Really now, I just want a sincere apology, can't a little girl have one? I kept on glaring at his back but he still didn't do anything. Is this guy made out of steel or what? I looked back at the duo on the floor. They covered their heads with their hands and continued chanting their apologies. I feel really superior now! Were the flowers some kind of way to avert this situation? Did they think that I was that stupid? Ugh…men… I took hold of one lily. They are really beautiful but a girl has gotta do what a girl has gotta do! I flung it at his head. It fell like a dead weight next to his feet and let out a pathetic thump. He looked towards the window and suddenly said, "We've got a mission." The two slaves got up from their kneeling position and went next to Itachi. They poofed away.

"HEY! You can't just _poof_ away from _me_! And you probably just made that up! IDIOTS!"

"Uhh, Kakashi-sempai I think that we need to brush up on our combat skills." Shisui muttered as he edged away from the bed.

"I agree. See you later Mara." Poof. What the hell do these men have against me? Is it that hard for them to apologize? The bastards…. Oh! I'm so angry right now!

* * *

"I expect you to return back within two months. This is a very beneficial mission for the well-being of this village, which is why I believe that you three are capable in finishing it efficiently."

The three shinobi nodded and their leader took the scroll. They all bowed down and left the building without another word. They started walking at a random direction. The sun was just setting in the pink sky. Itachi took a deep breath and studied the surroundings. It could be their last time to look at the village they loved. An s-ranked mission - assassination of a rogue. The ninja had been on the run for a year now. He was once an ANBU cop just like them, until he went berserk and killed a classroom of academy students, who were just about to take their first exam to become gennin. His was last sighted in the Land of the Moon. They had to leave as soon as possible which meant by four tomorrow morning.

They found themselves in front of the hospital. They continued to walk through corridors and halls until they found room 276. They opened it slowly to find the weird woman sleeping silently.

* * *

I heard the door open and close. Someone had entered the room. My eyes fluttered open to find the source of my irritation. I immediately frowned when Arata hugged me.

"Mara-chan we're going on a mission!"

Yeah, that's what they want me to believe! "Don't make things up doofus." Arata backed away and frowned. Itachi still was leaning on the door frame.

"Mara, we really are going on a mission. We won't be back for two months tops though…" Hayate pitched in. Two months is enough for anyone to sever any contact from another. If that's what they wanted then that's what they'll get! I'll go with the flow then!

"Then… I hope you guys die or something…" I looked away from them and huffed. There. It's set.

"You should be careful of what you wish for." My eyes travelled towards Itachi. He was playing with a shuriken put kept his gaze steady on me. His eyes suddenly flashed red and with that they poofed out of my room. I want to cry. I really want to cry! Shit, now I'm crying. I rubbed my cheeks. What have I done now?


	7. Redundant again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cutting casts, moulding the future.

"Now Miss Yamato, if you take these pills every morning then you'd be all set to discharge! I hope that you had a nice stay!" The nurse patted my pillow and removed some of the dead lilies. I only have five lilies left. They looked at me sulkily. It's been three weeks since they left. They hadn't returned. I think that they really did have a mission. Damn it, it makes me want to cry even more! Kakashi and the others did come to keep me a bit of company, but it's not the same as hearing Arata calling me _chan_ every time, or when Hayate would let out a mini snort every time he laughed, or when Itachi and I had those mini make-outs. Without them, it…it - It doesn't feel right.

The nurse said that I could discharge today if I wanted to. She said that I was doing so great in physiotherapy that all I needed was to be careful and take some pain killers. I could continue my job as being a grocery shop assistant. I'm sorry reader for not mentioning before, but do you really think that stealing would help me sustain a normal income? Don't think so! The nurse cut open the cast. Peering inside, all I saw was pink and dirt. Who knew it would be that ugly? After three weeks of not seeing my hand, it looks kind of alien to me. She said that it was only normal to be pink and be a little dirty. I mean, three weeks we're talking about! But still, I always imagined it to be different somehow. Then she went and took off the cast from my leg. My leg looked like raw chicken with hair. I seriously need to wax, pronto. I really am grateful for my friends to have come and brought me clothes. Yes, I do have friends as well. I'm not some weirdo with zero social life you know.

The nurse left me to quietly put on my clothes. It feels weird to finally use my left hand. The fabrics feel new under my touch. After I clasped my bra on along with a red tee shirt, I went for the jeans. Will this kill me in the heat? Yes, of course! But I won't let anyone see my furry leg. It's embarrassing! Everyone laughs at a woman which hasn't shaved for a while, let alone when only a part of her is hairy! I put on my flip flops and limped my way out of the room, slinging my bag up over my shoulder. The nurse was waiting outside. She smiled and entered the room to make sure that everything was set for another patient. She came out with the bunch of flowers.

"You forgot these Miss Yamato. They're really pretty; it would be a shame to throw them away!" She handed them to me in a piece of foil. It's kinda ironic, what she said. That's what I did to the three shinobi. I threw their friendship away; all because they were stubborn in saying out front that they were sorry. Actually, I was the hot headed one from them all. They were saying sorry in their abnormal way. I forget that they're ninjas, and due to that they might not know what to experience in the emotions department along with talking (for _some_ ). Ugh I'm such a _loser_. Itachi had taken me all the way to the hospital and alerted the other five. They stayed there for what could have been hours waiting for me to wake up. They even went out to buy me flowers (and my favourite ones as well). I…I blew a fuse because I didn't hear it in words. I really am an _idiot_.

"Thank you." I grabbed the foil and walked with it huddled to my chest. We continued to walk to the front desk where I signed some papers and was off. Where to? Maybe I should check on my house. Not that I don't trust my mother, but one may never be sure. I walked slowly out of the hospital and down the street. I sniffed the flowers, enjoying the scent. It is a bright day as any other day in Konoha. I continued my path to my flat. The complex towered above me. I walked in and into the lift. Pressing for the second floor I waited, listening to the shitty music elevators all seem to be built up with. Once on my floor, I fished for my keys and went to open the door. I walked inside to find my mother helping herself to some biscuits.

"Here honey, try them! I just bought them for half price!" My mother really is cheap sometimes. I took a bite from the biscuits, or should I say cardboard. They're horrid! I spit the crumbs out in the sink.

"Why the hell did ya do that for? They're not that bad…" She sniffed and stuffed her mouth with a cookie-wannabe. I sighed and went into the bathroom to set the pills up for tomorrow. Then I went back into the kitchen to find my mother lounging on the sofa. She patted her hands on the sofa next to her feet. I obliged. She rose up and started curling some of the strands. I still needed to cut the damn thing.

"What's with the long face?" She pouted and tried the puppy eyed look. Mother, that look does not suit you at all. Remove from face now. Please.

"I feel a bit sad for no reason." I twiddled with one of the lilies. It has the largest petals and one mean looking colour-red. So I call it Uchiha-san sometimes. It reminds me of his eyes. I really need to put these in a vase before they wilt on me. I rose and grabbed the little clear vase on the coffee table. It was there for nothing else but decoration. Kiki, a friend of mine bought it when she noticed that I needed some 'bloom in my hood'.

"It's something normal for us grownups." Grownups. I really hate that word sometimes. It makes me feel old and wise. I like wise, but with my mentality which is that of a teenager (or so my mother says) -it kinda feels very sarcastic. But sometimes it comes in handy when you want to boss someone just because you're older than them. You'd be like, HA! Bow down to me 'cause I know - shit yeah! It really does have its ups and downs.

"I'll be off! I hope you won't depress yourself too much. I almost forgot! Machi-san from the grocery store called in to tell you that tomorrow you've got work. Ciao!" Slam. She left the cookies behind her. Hmm…Is cardboard part of a cat's diet?

* * *

 

They were still on their way over to Tsukigakure. It was a long and fruitless month and they only had another left. Itachi sighed and reviewed the coordinates. They were resting in a small discreet village. It wasn't located anywhere on the map. They wouldn't have found it if it wasn't for Arata muddling the directions.

"Look on the bright side, we could ask for shelter and food. I really don't want to stay camping in the rain again!" Hayate punched Arata and said that it was a stupid way to look at things. Besides, they didn't want anything to delay them. It was already enough for them with the burden of what their friend had told them in the hospital room just before they left-

 _"Then…I hope you die or something…"_ All of them had their theories as to why she went out and said something like that. Did they say something wrong? Had they insulted her in some way? She was definitely angered some way or another, but by what? Did she know the gravity of the words that she had said? Itachi continued to frown at the map. He had planned it all out. By week four they should have already arrived. Then, they would have set out a normal low key profile as travellers. The sooner they found the Missing Nin, the better. With Hayate's sensing skills, they would have caught and executed the rogue within a few days from then. They would then set out their way back home. Clean, precise and simple. But with Arata, their best tracker, losing their way, which had never happened, they all got delayed, not to mention frustrated. They were angered by the fact that Mara had just had to say such words to three people who might not live to see the next few seconds. It wasn't the first time they heard it from other people, people who were like them nonetheless. But they never imagined it coming from her. It was heart-wrenching to hear it from her.

And yet, here they are, seeking shelter in a nearby hotel. All frustrated about the same thought.

* * *

 

Oh no - a tomato fell! Let me help you get your way back to your friends little one! For I, the great - no wait - _invincible_ Mara Yamato, shall save you! Just give me a second so that I could get down there. It's really hard to crouch down without feeling the pain, so I devised a way of not going down that route. It's like a semi-split, you know? I let my injured leg slide and bend down. That way, I could crouch all I want without the throbbing! I felt smart when I had tried it out a week ago the first time I went back to work after the incident.

It's been four weeks since I told them to shove off. Damn it, must I always think about them all the time? Am I that obsessive about them? I grabbed the tomato and hauled myself up to their shelf. I placed it next to another. There was a crate next to it with a bunch of bananas. One of them had three bananas and another almost cut off. Does Karma like to rub it in my face? I turned and rubbed my hands in the apron. I looked up to find a woman look at me, a daikon in her hands. She started twitching. What's her problem?

"How…how c-can you d-do that-t?" Should I tell her the truth? Nah, she probably already knows. This village thrives on rumours.

"I just can. Is that all you want?" I pointed towards the daikon resting lazily in her hands. She nodded and placed it on the counter. I beeped it with a scanner and told her the price. She shuffled through her wallet and then took out some coins. I did the usual, _"Have a nice day!"_ and she left. Machi-san, the shop owner looked at my leg suspiciously and then said the words I never would have imagined him saying to me, "Mara-san, regarding your foot injury, we think that you're only hindering the teams' progress. I think that maybe it's better if you're let go."

I blinked. I'm what? I looked over to Hoshi-san. He nosedived into the grapes and didn't look up. I returned my gaze towards Machi-san. Is he firing me? Just because of my leg?

"What?" I sufficiently croaked out. My throat suddenly became dry. Is this for real? He reached for my apron and took it off of me. I was speechless. Now I'm jobless.

"Huh? This is not fair! I should sue you for being an ableist!" I'm not going down without a fight here! How dare he take my apron away? The same apron I had always dreamed of wearing since I was a little girl? I remember the first time I had entered the shop. It was years ago, my mother told me to go buy her some daikons and carrots. Machi wasn't the owner back then, it was his mother. She was so kind to me! She gave me what I needed and said the words I always used with every customer, _"Have a nice day!"_ Yeah, those were the good times… Anyway, on with the fight! I glared at him and stomped out of the store. Not without yelling at him though!

"You're just jealous that I'll find a better job then you will! I'm going to be a scholar while you stay here rotting with the tomatoes and the bananas!" And with that I struck a pose and continued out of the little garage. I rounded a corner and waited for a few minutes. Clearly my ankle had other thoughts regarding my strutt, voicing them by poking at my nociceptors. After spent ten minutes howling in pain in an alleyway, I decided that staying at home wouldn't be that much of a big deal. But still, now I'm jobless and I don't think that my boss will ever let me get my job back. I made my way towards my mothers' house. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I need her right now. I knocked on the familiar wooden door. It opened slowly. My mother looked at me and beckoned for me to enter. I followed her instruction.

"Tough day I presume?"

* * *

 

They have finally found the ninja. It's been, what - five weeks since they left Konoha? Itachi sighed softly as they continued to spy on him. It wasn't how he had planned but nevertheless, they have found him. They were lucky too. He just happened to be in the same village as they were. Their eyes stalked over to the man. He seemed well appreciated in this run down village. He definitely had an air of aristocracy around him. They wondered what the villagers would do if they knew the truth. The whole truth, about the murders, the inception and that now he's a missing nin living the life of riches. What would anyone say to that? It's silly to think about irrelevant thoughts on missions, Itachi thought as he shifted the cloak closer to his body. The rain hadn't even stopped for the whole week. Arata sneezed and immediately cursed.

"Sorry, but I think I've got a cold…" Hayate threw him a pill. They had spied on the male for three days now. They knew everything about him, from his friends to his past times. They had already planned his execution. Every day, at six in the evening, he would walk into the woods close to the village. Once he reached a certain clearing, he would pause and stay there for a few minutes, then head back towards his house. It was to happen tonight, at six. Hayate had learnt the whereabouts of this clearing. Arata still hadn't grasped back his expertise, so Hayate will lead the way. Itachi could sense and do the other stuff alright, but his role for this mission (and almost any other mission like this one) was to be the executioner. With his Magenkyou Sharingan fully activated as well as his fighting skills which may equal that of a Sanin, it would be a piece of cake. It _will_ be a piece of cake. Just another mission completed, _right_?

The local clock struck six. They waited for him to walk out of the bar. He emerged from the bar, drunk. It will be easier for them. They each used the typical ANBU classified chakra cloaking technique and jumped off the roof.


	8. Orange is the new Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mara-chan's friends are gems; diamonds in the rough. Roughly cut out from the deepest, darkest crevices of the Earth.

"So you're telling me that you got three uber hot shinobi chasing after you? Oh Kami, Mara, under which lucky star were you born?" Is Kiki serious about this? I just told them how I had gotten myself a limp and that's all she has to say? Women these days…

"Why didn't you call us or something? We would have _totally_ helped you!" Yeah _right_ , you'd have been flirting with them instead.

"Hey why dontcha tell us who they are?"

"Oh they're nothing special…" Should I say their names? One of them was one of my 'clients' (ahem guess who?) plus I had a one-to-one confidentiality. Oh what the hell…

"Please don't yell at me… They're Arata, Hayate and Itachi. You've already met the other three at the hospital." Of course they met the other three. They swooned when they saw them and the flirting never ended. It was awkward sitting in bed while your friends are practically throwing themselves at your toher friends (who were undoubtedly enjoying the attention). Both of them stopped sorting through the books folders of clients. Kiki's eyes twitched while Mizu's smile increased. Now I've got two fangirls on my hands. God, why didn't you glue my lips shut?

"You're friends with the six hottest shinobi of Konoha. And you said that it was nothing special! Damn you bitch! Damn you to hell!"

"Hey Kiki aren't you supposed to be getting married?" Kiki is a twenty-six year old brown haired and blue eyed primadonna. She'd make a good parent one day… hopefully. Now Mizu is a thirty year old. She has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They're apple green. Couple that with her auburn hair and she's a beauty born once a decade. She's married to the owner of the beauty salon. He's a really cool guy. His name is Kyou Morioka.

"Yes as a matter of fact, I am. But it doesn't mean that I can't fantasize my knight to be a bit more…fairy-tale… ish…." We agreed with her there. Then there is me, with what used to be long black wavy hair and brown eyes. Next to them I look pretty average, but you don't know what make-up can do! Mizu seemed to notice the absence of my hair.

"I never thought that you had a thing for bandanas… What's with this?" Shit. Either I lie, which they will see through it, or I blurt out the truth...

"It's just so hot you know?"

"The truth, please." Damn Mizu. This woman was a human lie detector. Maybe the police should use her against those hardened criminals. I huffed and grumbled as I took off the bandana and covered my face. Silence pursued. My hands were pried off of my face.

"It's not that bad Mara-chan… You look really young with that hair style!"

"What are you saying Mizu? It's silly! Who ruined your hair? I'ma beat the bitch to the pulp!" I heaved a sigh and I could already feel tears gather behind my eyelid as I recalled that horrifying experience. "I curse the day I met those ninjas and their idiotic friends."

Both of them started giggling. Damn girls and their giggles, why are they so contagious? After pouting at them I stifled a laugh. Come to think about it, it's a funny story. It'll be a great story to say at a sleepover, maybe even to your kids. Can you imagine me telling my kids how I was fated to almost die and be saved by Mr Hot Stuff? Who knows, I might be telling them how I met my husb- stop it Mara, you're embarrassing yourself. After we calmed down from all of the laughing, Kiki actually agreed with Mizu about my hair.

"I think that we should take you to a hair dresser."

"You may take the day off then!" That was Kyou-kun. Mizu ran up to him and gave him a peck on the cheek. It wasn't much, but it was really cute. I sighed. I wish that I could show my mother true love. This is a great example right?

"God Mara-chan, I didn't notice you there! You look so different!" That's Kyou-kun to you. I was like their little pet here. He ruffled my hair (what was left of it anyway) and I went on with telling him how my hair ended in this state. After the whole explanation he urged me going to his cousin's shop. I didn't know that she had a shop. Wasn't she a nurse at some nursing home? We walked towards the nursing home (in my case, limping slightly). So it was next to the home? That's very convenient. We finally found Kyou's cousin; Kimi came sauntering towards us, kissing Mizu's cheeks and hugging her.

"Oh my GOD! Is that a bump I see? Waahh! Precious!"

"No Kimi-san, it's just your imagination. We came here to give our little friend a hand."

"A friend of Mizu is a friend of mine!" I never knew that Kimi was so melodramatic… he almost fainted when he saw my hair. He then ushered me through the home filled with geezers. I am so regretting the day I end up as an old hag. We entered a room filled with - guess what? No, not cookies, more old people of course! And the hair dressers were old too. I feel like one of their hearts might give up at any given moment. Kimi sat me down on an empty chair and twirled me round while lifting my seat to the mirror. I finally stopped twirling and instead of Kimi was an old woman with purple high lights in her grey hair. Spectacles anyone?

"This is Aimi. She's new but she knows her colour and cuts! I think we should go blonde with this one hmm?" Kimi fluttered around us.

"Yes I agree. Maybe even a bob too!" Should I trust this woman with a pair of scissors next to my head? Oh shit, she already started cutting. Hey God, would help little old me out of this pickle?

* * *

 

Hayate was already hurt. This wasn't supposed to happen. It's going all off course. How could all this happen? Arata had also been hurt. _This guy isn't someone to be reckoned with. Tch, I'll take my chances… He doesn't seem that great to me_.

"Is that all you've-hic-got? HUH? KONOHA! Fuck…" The man stumbled to the forest floor but immediately lifted himself up. He rubbed his eyes and took another swing from his ale. Itachi's eyes narrowed. He sure was an ANBU, his shirt was cut and the infamous tattoo glistened with sweat. Itachi walked behind him, eyes flashing red.

The man turned round to find another man wearing the same hideous cloak as the other two. He had gone easy on them seeing as they were young. He looked at the hood. The face wasn't visible except for the owner's eyes. "An Uchiha eh? Haven't-hic-killed one in a while…" The man slurred as he took another swing from his bottle. He threw the bottle away and resumed his fighting stance. Itachi narrowed his eyes.

_Yuudai Momotaru of the Momotaru clan._

_Natural affinity: Wind and Water._

_Signature jutsu: Ice Sculpture no Jutsu._

And the file goes on and on. The Momotaru clan specialized in being medics, but some did opt to go as ninjas. Yuudai was one of those who did. He was an accomplished gennin by the age of ten, chuunin by thirteen, jounin by fifteen and then Anbu by eighteen. At the age of twenty six he was to escort a classroom full of genin from Konoha to Suna but ended up murdering all of them. All of Konoha was in uproar and many shinobi were sent to hunt him down but his scent had all but disappeared, keeping quiet for years. A couple of years later, with the information from spies and alliances with the Land of the Moon, the Fire Country had found him again and now, Itachi, Arata, and Hayate were the team assigned to assassinate him.

"Whatcha waitin' fo'? Kill me!" The man lunged at the solitary Uchiha. Itachi stared back. He let Yuudai inflict some gashes on him. Suddenly, Yuudai got sucked into a weird world. Why was the sky red? And what happened to the trees? Why black? He looked about to see the cloaked man walking towards him. Suddenly Yuudai couldn't move his body. What was happening? He could only look at the cloaked figure. Once the figure was a few meters away, he removed the hood.

"Itachi Uchiha. It's been a while…"

Itachi didn't respond. They stared at each other before suddenly kunais sunk into Yuudais' skin. So this is the feeling of being under the Magenkyou Sharingan? Yuudai felt proud that he could experience it. He looked to his sides to find that his fingers were cut off. Blood started oozing from them. He screamed. He couldn't take it anymore. It's been years of madness and paranoia. He screamed from the pain he endured through his life. It was over and he knew it. He coughed some blood and said, "I killed them because they didn't know what they were gettin' themselves into."

Itachi looked curiously at his face. He had changed. He wasn't the same Momotaru he knew before. The fearless legend had long been dead. A pathetic drunkard stood in front of him now. Momotaru asked him to end his life, which Itachi did with one swipe from his katana. He walked over to Arata and found him recovering behind a tree. Hayate wasn't looking good. It was beneficial that they knew some medical jutsus. They summoned enough chakra to heal his deep gash. The other scratches just had to close up naturally. Itachi burned the body and disposed of the ashes in the woods. They were finally leaving the sorry place.

* * *

 

"It's quite a natural color Mara-chan. I like it like this better!"

"Why did you say it in a childish voice Kyou-kun? Does my new cut influence this? I'm eighteen!" I pouted and muttered how life wasn't fair. You might be thinking, what the hell happened? Well, it just so happens that the hair dresser that tended to my tresses was once a kunoichi. She used some weird concoction with chakra saying that it will speed the process of bleaching. I was like, sure, you're the expert go ahead! She kept on massaging in some more chakra until my hair changed colour from black to blonde like that! I was like, you're the bomb kunoichi-grandma! She took me to the water basin and continued massaging chakra. She rinsed my hair and kept on adding chakra. My hair was started to change colour alright. It turned _orange_. ORANGE! But not the orange gingers usually have… no … the freakish orange that the dweeb ninja wore; the one got me in this whole mess the first place! UGH! AND… Listen to this… AND I HAVE TO STAY WITH FOR A BUNCH OF MONTHS JUST BECAUSE IT IS CHAKRA BASED! The amount of chakra she put into it is enough to make an elephant go to sleep! I'm a fucking carrot top now! Why do you hate me God? _why?_

I found an excuse to go for a quiet walk. Walking around Konoha in my carrot helmet in the daylight is a bad idea. The looks I got from people are immense! I walked aimlessly towards the Hokage tower. On the way to it I was suddenly caught in a sea of kids. Ugh, I really hate them now. I remembered a few of them from that day. There's that guy that was snoozing on the floor and there goes the Blonde Bitch and Pinky. Huh, last time I met them they were at each other's throats. Oh look off goes Chicken Head and his posse. Ah, now I see! The girls are walking the dobe home! What did Itachi call him? Daisuke? Sasumu? Do I even care? Out comes the Orange Dweeb. I cringed when I noticed that my hair colour is the same as his track suit. He went straight towards the Ramen Bar with his Sensei. What was his name? Ah! Iruka-sensei! Yes, him.

I walked closer towards the school. I always passed by it but never sparring a fleeting thought about it. I never was fond of what the ninja did; therefore, I tried to not think much about what they did. They had to work out and stuff, and if you haven't notice yet, I'm one hell of a couch potato and proud to be one too. There is nothing special to the building in itself, just a bunch of classrooms from the looks of it. I kept on peering inside. There just has to be something else with this thing. Oh come on, it's a freaking ninja school for Pete's sake. Isn't there some kind of dummy with a bull's-eye hanging somewhere or some ninjas sleeping upside down?

OH GOD I JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A NINJA! I staggered about until I removed the white thing over my face. Huh, it is just a paper. Silly me. I looked at the paper.

_In need of a librarian._

_Please contact Iruka Umino at staffroom 5_

Isn't this my lucky day or what? I told Machi-san that I'll become a scholar and hey! I really do love you gods, I really do! Now to find this person. I already know an Iruka-sensei, maybe his surname is Umino? It's not gonna hurt if I ask right? Where did he go? Oh he and the dobe went to Ichiraku Ramen Bar. I really hate eating at that place, it's a ninja hang-out. I marched my way towards the famous bar where a bunch of ninjas were hanging around. I really am feeling out of place here. Finally I found the jounin and the kid in the ugly tracksuit. I sat down next to the dobe and ordered myself something so that I won't look suspicious. Wouldn't they think that you're onto them if you just sit there and stare? I waited for the ramen (don't know what I ordered, I just stuck my finger on a picture). Looking around, I saw a bunch of other Jounins that hang around Arata and Hayate, maybe even Itachi too. I wonder how they are…sigh. I rested my cheek on my hand and sulked about, trying to evade the subject.

"Had a rough day lady-san?" I twitched at the voice. It was the OD (short for Orange Dweeb, I'm not going to keep on repeating the whole name over and over again, it's getting tiring). He peered at me and still slurped the ramen. One of the things I hate about eating ramen is all the slurping noises. He slurped. _Shudder._ He kept on looking at me. Oh so I had to answer him? Doesn't he notice that I'm the one who almost died five weeks ago? Did this haircut change that much of my appearance? I looked down to my boobs and checked my face in one of the mirrors which hung on the walls. Wow, orange really does make a difference. I looked back at the OD and sighed.

"You wouldn't understand kid." He pouted and went on slurping his ramen. Finally a hot plate slid on the wooden bar. I split the chopsticks and picked some of the ramen. This is all going to my hips. _Ugh_.

"I'm not a kid anymore. I've grown up ya know? I bet I had a tougher day than you did!" That boy again? Ugh, he's really stubborn. I munched the ramen and gulped it down. Then I looked back at him. He was already on his fifth bowl. What's with ninjas being always hungry? I'll humour him.

"Leave the woman alone, Naruto and mind your business!" Ah, the sensei coming to my rescue! OD sulked and went on eating his ramen at super speed. He ordered another bowl. I wouldn't want to be up against him in an eating competition.

"It's ok. The kid wants to know about real life. Five weeks ago I fought with three of my mates. Now I doubt that I'll ever resume the normal friendship we had before. A week ago I lost my job and today my hairdresser screwed my hair up with chakra and now it's orange. What about you?" The kid stopped slurping and looked at me mid-munch. He stared at my hair for a few minutes than slurped the last pieces of ramen. He continued to stare at my hair.

"I like it."

I almost choked on a broccoli. He _what?_ My mouth opened slightly while my little brain tried to discern whether he was being elusive as ninjas usually are. He grinned and went on eating. What do men know about colour? This dweeb wore orange clothes for kami's sake.

"I wish I had your hair! We match…look!" Oh,  _hon_. I increased the intensity of my look. Iruka-sensei just waved his hands and muttered "Don't mind him." I looked at him pointing proudly at his clothes. He really likes orange.

"What the hell are you saying? It's ugly! Ugh what do you men know about clothes?" I pierced a shrimp with one of the chopstick and took a bite. He snapped his head up and glared.

"What do women know about men?" How did we end up talking all philosophical here? I looked squarely at the dweeb.

"I know just enough to make them scream for more." Iruka-sensei spit out the ramen. He took a tissue and stuffed up his nostrils. Naruto's eye twitched but his grin increased. He looked me up and down. Was I being checked out by a ten year old? Dear lord! I covered my boobs when he lingered on them. _Boys_.

"..Heh… Did you say that you lost your job?"

"…" Iruka didn't dare to look at us both. OD slurped more ramen while he looked at me. What the hell is going on?

"Iruka-sensei, I think that she should be the librarian!"

"Huh? Yes whatever Naruto." Naruto grinned and clapped his hands. "Great now you got yourself a job Kawaii-chan!"

Was that an attempt to flirt? Should I blush at it? Is that how guys flirt at the age of ten? Wow it sounds so innocent next to all of the things they called me before. Iruka deigned to look at us both. He was about to argue but when he looked at the dweeb's puppy eyes he paused. Is that what you call a ninja?

"Miss…"

"Mara Yamato", I pitched in.

"Miss Yamato, would you like to work at the academy as a librarian? If you would like to, please come by tomorrow morning at seven."

"Su-I mean, yeah whatever…" No need to sound so desperate right? I beamed a smile at the little tuft of yellow hair as he bent his head towards his bowl of ramen. My ramen grew cold, yuck. I glared at the bowl. I heard a slurp and looked at the dweeb to find him on his eighth bowl. I feel sick watching him eating. This librarian thing, it got me thinking. Will I become wiser if I surround myself with books? Maybe I should buy a pair of glasses just to help to get me feeling brainier.


	9. His Name is Huchima Itaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people are creative, Mara-chan is creative when piss drunk.

Guess what? I mean really try and guess! I'll just give you a hint. Two days. Does that ring any bells? It's been ringing alarms all week! Come on you know the answer for sure! Spit it out! You're not as dumb as I am! It has been two days since the day the trio had to come back. OH MY GOD I'm so anxious! My boys are going to be back! Yay! I doubt that they are that mad with me… anyway I would totally be their slave for a day for what I told them. Heh, I wouldn't mind being a certain slave for a certain someone… I miss his body! It's been already almost eight weeks! Eight freaking weeks since our mind-blowing, hot make-out session and I dream to molest him once he's back, the sooner the better. Can't wait to fling myself on him! Mmmm! Damn it Mara stop thinking about sex on your job.

Yup, I'm still a librarian. I did buy myself some glasses! They're red and hot looking, like me - except for my hair. I did try and dye it with those do-it-yourself dyes, but the dye seems to slip off the hair. I hold a grudge against that old kunoichi for feeling frisky with my hair's fate. I'm a fucking carrot top with sexy fake red glasses. Ain't I a looker? I sighed and continued to sort the books the little buggers left on one of the tables. Can't they afford to, I don't know, lift the damn thing and just stuff it in the fucking shelf? They think that they're the _shit_  just because they're ninjas-in-training. Ugh, I know what they really are doing though. A minority would be just researching some stuff about ninjas but the majority would use the books to hide the porn they stole from their brothers. Seriously! Just last week, I caught a group of boys fawning over THE most boring book in the world, which is called _History of Shinobi_. I was like, how can they be so into it? Are they enjoying it that much? I suddenly had gotten curious and snuck behind to find them looking at a girl without anything on. _Chauvinistic piglets._

What did I do? I didn't do anything. I just let them ogle at the images until they went back to class. Well, I didn't let them go free. I had talked to their sensei, which happened to be a woman and a hard core feminist. I haven't seen them since. I wonder what she did to them.

I sorted the last book which just happened to be at the top of the freaking book shelf. Not that I'm short, I'm just average when it comes to height, but these book shelves where built for giants. I dragged a step stool and placed the book back in its place. Finally I'm ready! Now I can sneak out to have a look at the front gates! I locked the library entrance and walked out into the sun. It's only eleven in the morning. I hope no one wants to use the library at this time. I walked down the wide street to the front gates of Konoha. I usually do this every time I could. I find an excuse to try and take a longer route so I could walk towards the gates and maybe get a glimpse of the boys. I've been doing this since last week. Maybe they would have arrived here earlier than planned, you know? Once I arrived I found the gates open and a bunch of people in cloaks walking in. Could Itachi and the gang be with them? I jogged closer to the group only to find that they were some other ninja back from a mission. It's been the same reaction for a whole week. Ugh. Damn ninjas wearing generic cloaks.

"Yo Miss!"

I continued looking for them from where I am. I'm only a few meters away from going out into God knows where. Plus ninjas. Ugh, what a bummer. All I could see is foliage and squirrels.

"Are ya deaf woman?"

I blinked and looked up, shielding my eyes from the sun. A silhouette of a man appeared. So is he talking to me? I continued to stare at him. He suddenly jumped down. Is he _committing suicide?_ Am I his _note?_ He landed gracefully on his feet and stood up. I guess not.

"I've noticed you for a whole week now. What the hell are ya doin' checkin' the ninjas that are comin' in every freakin' second?" Seriously, don't people know when to mind their own business? I glared at him and harrumphed. Should I just go? I'd look like a creepo with a fetish for half dead ninjas. Should I say something? I'd look like a despo if I say that I'm waiting for three ninjas so I could make up with them. So what should I say?

"I'm waiting for some...person." That's partially true except for the singular part. I am waiting for someone in particular though. The other two are also important, but he's just always in my mind. Obsessive? Maybe. Just as long as they're all back, I'm happy.

"…And?" I glared at him. He had a bandage over his nose and a goatee. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited. Is he that bored?

"He's supposed to be back." He sighed and gave a look. Was that the _'Poor you'_ look you get on funerals? He then muttered, "Sorry to break it to ya but I doubt that he'll be back at all."

I'm shocked. How can he say that so easily? How…how? I opened my mouth a couple of times trying to speak but I couldn't. Pfft, Itachi and the gang would totally come back. They're a few of the most powerful ninjas of Konoha, they wouldn't-

-Oh shit. Don't tell me that I might have cursed them? Nah, curses only work with witches and voodoo, right? I don't know how to curse people, and that shit never happens… I'm just creeping out here. Anyway those three are strong!

"They might have delayed. That's all. Yeah, delayed. Might have caught up with some freak storm or something. It's a reasonable excuse." The ninja sighed again walked towards me. I must have looked like a mess. I looked at him.

"Who?"

"Huh?" I blinked myself out of my stare. He wasn't bad looking, but Itachi is way hotter. Wait, was he asking his name? Should I say it? Or should I not… Maybe I'd invent one. But I think he knows almost all the ninjas since he's posted at the gate. I think that he gets bored looking at them. Maybe he should go talk to Hokage-sama about his job.

"Huchima Itaki." Shit just hit the fan. Why Mara-chan? Just why? Why would you lie to a ninja who is obviously of some high status to be gaurding the gates to the village just to save your own ass from the embarrasment? I'm quite certain that he can see through all of my lies but I'm just going to continue playing along.

"Itaki? Never heard of him … And I know most people. Double weird…" I swear if I had trained my chakra I would have whooped his ass. Great, now I'm in deep shit just because I went and said a distorted truth. I need to brush up on my lying skills since I'm surrounded with ninjas I need some kind of barrier to keep them from some of the pitiful truth.

"Ohh! He's just a very shy, quiet man! His whole clan was murdered by his evil older brother you know? He's not from this village exactly but he used to live farther up north in some small village, somewhere…" I said lamely. He gave me a _'Suuuuuure'_ look. What do these ninjas have in not believing in what they should believe in? Dammit I don't understand these bastards at all. We kept on staring at each other for a couple of minutes. Then he disappeared. Damn ninjas and their jutsus.

I stayed for a few seconds just to make sure that maybe they would have walked in sight or something. Then I made my way back to the confinements of my library. I sprayed a few air fresheners the first day I stepped into the room and got some fans installed. It was so stuffy in here! And the smell of stale wood is so pungent! I sat down at the front desk and waited for the silence to be disturbed. That's how I passed my days - staring at the opposite wall doing nothing. Oh and from the looks of it these books aren't filling my head with knowledge either. Plus all of them are boring, all about some wars and Hokages and ninjas and enemies. I got bored reading the first page of _Konoha: The Will of Fire._

* * *

 

It was already dark. The three ninjas continued jumping from tree to tree until the Village gates could be seen. Relief spread through them as they approached the walls. They stopped in front of the wooden doors waiting for the usual interrogation.

"Who are you and what is your business?"

Itachi stepped closer to the gates. "It is Uchiha Itachi and his team. We have just finished a mission for Hokage-sama." The doors opened slowly and they walked in. It was quiet. Suddenly they heard someone yelling from above.

"Hey Itachi-sama, there was a girl waiting for ya! Well, I think t'was you, she was tryin' ta throw me off."

It wasn't unusual for Itachi to have a girl running after him. He knew about his fan club, which to him was a waste of time since he had no interest in any of the girls fawning over him. But nobody knew about the exact date when they were supposed to return except for that _wild woman_. He suddenly felt an adrenaline rush. Miss Yamato was waiting for them? No, he must be mistaken. She is a stubborn woman and had been very angry with them eight weeks ago; she wouldn't show up at the gates at all just to check if they returned. It was stupid to hope and Itachi knew it. He erased the thought of her being the one and settled with one of his obsessive fan-girls. Yes, that must have been the case, just another girl. He thanked the ninja and they continued walking down the wide street straight to the Hokage Tower. Nobody was out at the time, except for a figure walking slowly opposite them.

* * *

 

I really shouldn't have listened to Gemna's whines. He said that I should 'chillax' and 'go with the flow'. He said that it was normal for ninjas to come back a bit late. Then he forced me into going out with him to the bar. I did have fun except for the glares I got from other women. It all became too intense and I made up an excuse that tomorrow I had to wake up earlier for work. He sulked and let me go but not before he said,

"Hey Mara-chan, don't worry about Itachi that much. He knows what he's doing." What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why was EVERYBODY saying stuff like that as if I was his wife or something? I feel hurt whenever they just jump to _very_ correct conclusions. DAMN NINJAS! I walked down the wide street towards the gates. It wouldn't hurt if I just check. Wow I'm getting dizzy just by walking. Why are the houses swaying? And what's with five lampposts next to each other? Wait a minute! I imagined a straight line on the road and started walking. I stopped and looked back. Shit. I'm at least a meter away from my designated finish line. I'm totally drunk.

I noticed three men walking opposite me. The one on the left had blue hair; next to him was one with long dark hair and them there was the last one with red hair. I know three men who have those hairstyles. I just can't remember their names. Oh well, tough luck! I continued to sway my way to the gates. A breeze picked up. My cardigan isn't going to withstand this wind. I shivered and staggered to the gates. They're locked. Why haven't I thought about them being locked? It's only natural to lock the only entryway to a city filled with shinobi. Stupid Mara, stupid!

"Hey you! Whatcha doin' 'ere?" I looked around. No one seems to be around here. The last time I checked I'm not diagnosed with schizophrenia. Is that you, Kami-sama?

"It's one in the morning! Ya just missed 'im, by the way." I looked up at the sky. What is it oh dear God, that I have missed? A silhouette of a man stood on the gates with the full moon behind him. Is that the Messiah? He suddenly jumped. WHAT'S WITH SUICIDAL PEOPLE TODAY? He landed with a thud on the road opposite me. Hehehe, silly me!

"Suicide-hic, is not da-a way to solvin' thingsss." I waved a finger at him and stumbled some more. The figure walked towards me. So it's the same suicidal ninja from the morning huh. He looked me over and sighed. "Go home miss and check on Uchiha-sama tomorrow morning." He poofed away, leaving me alone again. Ninjas are so impatient with answers aren't they? _Jackass_. I harrumphed and did what I was told. Wait a second, which street is my flat in?

* * *

 

With Hayate and Arata in hospital, the Uchiha prodigy made his way to the Hokage Tower. He walked up the spiralling staircase until he glimpsed two co-workers of his stationed in front of a wooden door. He nodded at them and walked in. It always amazed him when he found the Hokage sifting through paperwork. It made him think if he was just a clone. The Hokage looked up at Itachi and smiled. He pointed at a chair in front of him. Itachi sat down. He didn't remove his mask, even if it was only his employer.

"We successfully finished the mission as you have instructed, Hokage-sama. We did have trouble with the co-ordinates. We found Yuudai Momotaru in the Village Hidden in the Moon. Hayate and Arata have been heavily injured which is why they did not accompany me to this meeting. Excuse us for not making it to Konoha in the two month time frame – I wish to take the fault." The old man looked at the papers in front of him and put them in the table's drawers. He then stood up and turned towards the window behind him. Konoha was such a beautiful sight at night; it was one of his most favourite scenes. He looked at the buildings. The clan compounds stood proudly above the community. So quiet, everyone safe and sleeping. He shifted his gaze towards the gates then down the main road. Something caught his eye. It was a lone figure walking down the street. He peered a little closer. Adding some chakra to his eye-sight, he noticed that it was a female. Smiling, the Hokage beckoned for Itachi to join him. The ninja did what he was told.

They stared out of the window. Itachi soon noticed the figure walking, no, _staggering_ down the street. It was definitely a woman. She looked to her left then her right and shrugged. Itachi frowned. What is she doing up at this hour? From what he could see, she was drunk. The woman stopped for a few seconds and scratched her head. Itachi heard a chuckle to his right. With a swift side glance he took notice of his employer's smile. Itachi continued to focus on the lost drunken woman. She had sat down in the middle of the road, her face facing the Tower. She started to lift her head up and stopped when she reached the Hokage's Office. It took her a few seconds to notice the little light beaming softly through the glass. It took her just a few more seconds to notice them looking at her. She waved enthusiastically at them. That proved Itachi's theory of her being drunk.

The old man lifted his hand and waved back, chuckling at the drunken female. It would be better if he sent someone to help her out. He cleared his throat and moved away from the window. "Itachi, would you do me a favour and escort the woman to her home?" He looked towards the Uchiha. Not wanting to displease the Hokage, Itachi agreed and disappeared out of the Office, even if his bones ached. The Hokage turned towards the window again. He wondered how the stoic ninja would handle the female. It was a long time since he had laughed, so it would hurt anyone if he listened to their conversation now would it?

* * *

 

Huh? What happened to the two people at the window? Was there even someone in the first place? In my drunken state I wouldn't even be sure. I really should be panicking right now. What if there is that S&M-loving rapist that Hayate mentioned the first time we met? What-WHAT IF I'LL BE HIS NEXT VICTIM?

Mara Yamato, remember what your mother told you about these situations. Wait, what did she tell me? Shit I hate my memory loss when I'm drunk! Ugh, this sucks _ass_! Looking around, there are so many shadows. What if he's lurking in them? What if he'll drag me into a cave filled with sex contraptions and forces me to become a prostitute? What if I'll become his bitch and…and! Mara, stop imagining stupid stuff! Did you hear that? That sound, sounded like leaves crunching. I hope it's my imagination. My mother said that I always had a vivid one. Yeah, it could be-

"What are you doing Miss?"

OH MY GOD IT'S THE RAPIST! I felt his hand on my left shoulder. Shit, shit, CRAPOLA! Why am I frozen? I looked up to find a shadow of a man. I gulped. WHAT SHOULD I DOO?

"LEAVE ME ALONE - hic - YOU _RAPIST!"_ _Slap_. That should ward him off. Yeah, good job me! Now you've got him angry. What if he's a murderer? Never thought about that now _huh?_ He retracted his hand and sighed. Looking at him again, he does look like someone that I know. Like, _really_ know, you know? I wouldn't forget a hot face like this one, you know? Yeah, I guess ya do know now. Heh, the whole world knows! Yay! Mara Yamato, focus on the face! He does look like that Uchiha I shagged over three months ago; it wouldn't hurt anyone if I asked whether they were related. Maybe twins!

"Hey you! You look like Uchiha-san. You know him? Ice-block with a hot bod? Hiccup…"

"…" He even talks like him too! Wow, they _must_ be related. I got up from the road and dusted myself off. The fear had long gone by now. Who would be scared from a sexy man like this guy? Heck, I wonder if they really are twins. Maybe his name is Itami… He is the same height as Itachi is, same build, he's got the same hair, same eyes, same... Well I'll be damned. I hugged him. Who wouldn't? Two months of restlessness coupled with minor tragedies and BAM! Here is the epitome of my worry in flesh and bone. Ah! The feeling of his muscles are so nice, I can't wait till I bust him out of these sweaty clothes… Oomph. Wha? Did he just throw me on the floor? I oh so gracefully flopped my legs open on my buttocks, while wearing a skirt. Great. Was he looking at my panties? Ice-block, I never thought you'd stoop so low from your almighty pedestal.

"Look all you want Uchiha-san, cuz this is the last time you'd be lookin' at this ass if ya reject _me_ again! Hic…" His eyes flashed red. I almost moaned at the sight. The little ounce of soberness restrained myself from doing so.

"What are you doing here Miss Yamato?" His gaze returned to my legs. I smirked and coughed. He glared. Are his ears getting red? Success! "Well I-a was having a stroll at one just for da fun of it . What da hell do ya think that I'ma doin'? Lift mah up!" I lifted both of my arms and wriggled my fingers - just for emphasis.

He sighed and grabbed hold of my arms and pulled hard. I was flung back on him. Not that I mind it. I took the liberty of circling my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. I haven't done that in a while. I sighed contently and snuggled closer. I can't get any more comfortable with the taunt muscles – my dirty little secret. Bummer. His arms hung to his sides. I should teach these ninjas some emotions. Maybe I'll start with something simple like, "Sorry."

"…" That went well. I lifted my head up to his face. He kept his eyes on my movements. There is no emotion on his face whatsoever. Maybe if I help him out if I took hold of his mouth. I placed my thumbs and fingers on his mouth and mimicked him talking.

"No problem Miss Yamato. Now let's go home and have hot, steaming, make up se-" Ouch. Itachi prooved his ninja capabilities as he swiped at my wrists. He's got one hell of a grip. My wrists are going to break in two with this rate. I think I went a little overboard with this one. Just a tad bit though. If looks can kill, I'll be scorched to death right now, but I can't help but say the inevitable.

"What? You know you want to." His glare intensified. I could feel a hole forming right between my eyes. Yup, I've definitely gone way overboard with him. I looked sheepishly back at him. Oh man, the rage from that stupid phrase I saif two months ago was really making it's point.

"Uchiha-san, you're hurting me." He immediately let go of my hands. That's gonna bruise for sure. He sighed and started walking away. I guess he's taking me home. " _So,_ you still up for sex?"

* * *

 

The old man almost got a heart attack from all the laughing. He never knew how his ANBU would take care of the situation. With her being drunk and both of them seeming to know each other, it was priceless comedy. Yamato was her surname. He'd check some data about her family. What really irked him is how such an interesting woman came in the hands of the Uchiha captain. He chuckled one last time before closing the doors, sticking a piece of tissue in his nostrils trying to remove the blood trickling down and poofed out of sight. It was going to be fun searching about their history together. He wouldn't say that he was nosy…just _curious_.

* * *

 

Ice-block opened the door for me and I ran to the kitchen. Kitchen sex is always so hot, that's what _Kunai Girl_ , the magazine said anyways. I always wanted to try it out, you know? I saw it on TV too. The girl saunters off to the kitchen and rips her clothes off. Yeah that's what I'd do! It's quite breezy tonight isn't it?

"What are you doing Miss Yamato?" I turned round and threw my top off. Now for the bra and panties. I took hold of the clasp and wrenched it open. He closed the door behind him and stared. I turned round and slipped the bra off.

"Catch me if ya can!" With that I ran down the corridor giggling like an idiot. Suddenly I was flung into the air and was making my descent onto the hardwood floors. This never featured on the TV show. Strong arms grabbed hold of my waist. Ah, my hero. He turned me round. I grinned and cupped his cheeks, and then I gave him a kiss. I started fiddling with the white vest and threw it on the floor once I got the hang of the zipper. Then I grabbed his undershirt and pulled it off. Damn Itachi for being so late. He should have been here days ago. We could have had this earlier. He walked me backwards into my bedroom, setting me down on the bed. I felt his gaze upon me, my subconscious screaming at him to speak. Sudden bashfulness crept between us. My toes curled as I arranged the sweaty locks out of my face, deigning to look back at him. We stared at each other, my breathing growing heavier with every second I thought of spending it with him. His skin, lit by moonlight, begged for my touch. His eyes craved me, and I for him. My heart kept beating loudly in my ears, the only comfort I had at the time. I shifted forward, biting my lips as I exhaled loudly.

My head felt lighter than before as I reached for his trousers, pulling them down carefully. His fingers grazed mine as they swooped around them, leading them further down until gravity took its course. My hands never left his thighs, holding onto him as he did to me. Itachi stepped out of them, taking a step closer to me. His hands traced up my arms, eliciting shudders down my spine. They brushed up my neck, slowling down at my face. Sensations tingled all over my skin, my voice stuck at my throat. I was frozen, at his command. He touched every inch of me, so soft and tender, unlike of his nature. I lost all control over my breath, his eyes never leaving mine as he brushed my skin so delicately. My head was spinning with each caress, down my front, slowing to a halt at my navel. He crouched to my level, placing his lips tenderly against mine. My frustration was getting the better of me, pressuring the man into a deeper kiss. My arms reached for him, trying to feel every inch of him, tracing the scars on his back. The smell of pine and metal intoxicated me further, feeling his warmth with each sigh escaping his mouth. Leaning against me I fell onto the sheets, embracing him as much as possible. Dark hair mingled with light, beating hearts pumped harder at our emotions, and voices cleared the night with moans.

* * *

 

The Uchiha didn't know what he was doing. He was supposed to escort her to her home - _e nd of story_. It wasn't his fault she stripped in front of him and went off about into the bedroom. Plus she had invited him to do so too. It reminded him of the one night stand he had with her for the first time. But that time he had the excuse of being slightly tipsy ( _not drunk_ ). This isn't the same situation. She moaned into his ear. Grasping his shoulders harder, she pushed up against him.  He growled into her neck, feeling the affects of their play. His hands instinctively went to her thighs and opened them. He had to control himself, fast. He didn't want to take advantage of her, her being drunk.

Then, he heard a snore. Looking towards her he found her still. He poked her face and she responded with another snore. She had fallen asleep? He frowned and patted her cheeks.

"Miss Yamato?"

It sounded pathetic in this situation. He heard her groan and her eyebrows frowned. She opened her eyes and said, "Cabbage sucks." She went on snoring. Itachi was shocked. He was shocked for two reasons. How could this sex-crazed woman suddenly sleep in the middle of what she is best in? Plus, how come cabbage is one of the most hated vegetables?


	10. Baby Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharing is caring.

Gods, why do I always have to get so drunk every time I go out for drinks? I blame Genma-san. I think he mixed our drinks on purpose. Yes, that must be it. The little prick wanted me drunk for his use. I should actually start considering what The Perverted Trio are saying to me. One gravity defying grey haired ninja reads porn in public; the other senbon sucking ninja is a womaniser and the Uchiha flirts with any person who's got a rack. Truly the epitome of a woman's erotic desires and needs. I think that you, reader, know quite well the meaning of 'hangover', I mean, you are reading about my life. But do you know the 'Hangover Bar'? It only has two sides: _Shit_ and _Fucked up_. I'm on the latter side. Waking up in the morning never felt so regretful. What a headache! Must get pills NOW! Wait. Why am I half naked? What the fuck did I do last night? I don't want to know. I really don't care right now as long as I get my pills. I grabbed at a random shirt and put it on.

I sense bad fashion sense. Looking down, I noticed that it fit me like a baby wearing his father's tuxedo. Why would I imagine myself like that? I really don't know. Well it was like a weird, black mini dress. Did I buy it? Heck, I don't remember. Its neck is a bit weird though, a bit too large and dramatic for my tastes. What the fuck did I buy yesterday? Ugh, I should really stop buying clothes when drunk. Damn habit. At least it smells of kiwi - I love me some kiwi. I walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom next door. I really should check those condoms; they've been stacked up in there for months now. I'll do that later. Yeah, but first things first, where is the pill bottle? Oh, no. I forgot to buy some yesterday. _Shit_. What the hell am I going to do? Great, this migraine is not going to end, and today I've got to go to work- What time is it? I walked over to my bedroom and guess what? Nine-fucking-thirty.

I ran out of the _boudoir_ and into the kitchen. Wait a minute, what's a half-naked man doing over here? What if it's the _rapist_? I screamed and threw the first thing closest to me. The poor mound of useless apples finally has a purpose in my life. The glorious red delicious made its arc over towards the assailant, only to stop as his hand shot up and gripped the poor fruit, proceeding to counteract my attack by throwing it at my head. I ducked and looked around for the apple. It started rolling its way back to me. Good apple, come back to your master. In the meantime the nudist turned slowly to face me, at which I seemed to remember the man in front of me. Ah, the most handsome Itachi Uchiha. I rubbed my neck and gave him a sheepish laugh. Who knew that it was Itachi? It's not like there is only one guy with his skin and that weird tattoo and his hair. I just contradicted myself. Idiot. Stupid. Brainless. Hey, are those bite-marks on his neck? What _did_ I do last night?

"When did ya come back Uchiha-san, oh and do you know what happened last night?" I rubbed my head. The migraine seems to be decreasing. Maybe it's because I'm in a god's presence. Yeah, that must be it. The godly aura is healing my feeble mind. He didn't answer. Not even a grunt. I looked back at him. He wasn't even looking at my face. I followed his gaze. Ah, I think it's the dress. I smirked and struck a pose, "Sexy ain't it?" I bent down and picked the apple. A little seduction isn't going to hurt anyone hmm? I took a bite from it and munched. He was still looking at the dress. His gaze shifted upwards to my face. He gulped and looked away to the fridge. Is he this shy?

"Uchiha-san, I'm late for work so I really need to get a move on. Please answer my question." I batted my eyelashes and took another bite.

"…We…um…copulated." He still looked at the fridge. He crossed his arms and sighed. Indeed. Obviously. Pfft. Right. "So…how was it?" Munch.

His ears started to turn red. "How was what?"

I walked over to him and slung my arms around his neck. I felt him stiffen at the contact. "Sex, of course!" I wriggled my eyebrows, walking over to him all slow, ready to pounce, like a tiger upon her prey. It must have been mind-blowing for me to completely forget about it. I most probably was wiped out.

"You slept in the middle of it." Hah I really was wiped out huh? I pouted and patted his head. "Sorry Uchiha-san. Hey, tell you what? Why don't I make it up for you hmm?" I twirled a strand of his hair, all notions of whatever happened a few months before completely forgotten.

"Miss Yamato you're late for work." I see they're not quite as forgotten as I had hoped. I slouch back into my bedroom, flinging the wardrobe doors open, trying to find something to wear. Does it ever happen to you when you're late for something and you don't know what you're supposed to wear? Every single thing seems unmatched once put on. It happens to me all the time! I really hate it. That mini dress does sound tempting but what's with the funky avant-garde fan doing on the back of it? Ugh it's so pretentious but it's the only thing passable. I put on my things, found some black heels and wound a belt around my waist to try and make me seem like I actually have a waist beneath this sack. I got out my bag and placed my keys in it. Running into the kitchen I grabbed my half eaten apple and munched on it. I checked the time, again, cursing it's perpetual passing. I've got half an hour walk to the Academy. What is it, Kami-sama? What have I done wrong to get you pissed off at me? I smiled at Itachi, going up to him and greeting him that morning like a true friend would. His left eye twitched.

"That's mine." He wasn't looking at me. He was staring at the dress. Itachi was into dresses? My, my what weird ninjas… wait, is this a shirt? That explains the fan. Last time I saw him he wore the same shirt (ninjas and fashion do not mix). So it's a shirt. The more you learn...

"I hope you like to share. Now come on." He frowned and stayed where he was. I sighed and ran back to my room, fishing through the one drawer I usually don't show to people - my trophy drawer. Ah, it's mostly menswear which I nicked from idiots who have fallen into my traps. I really should continue on with that profession, I don't want to get stagnant. We all know that practice makes perfect, but negligence makes for ineptness.

"Wear these." I threw him the pants and tee shirt. He looked at me as if I was crazy. Maybe I'm a bit loony, but I'm not letting him go out half naked. He grunted and put them on. Miraculously, they fit. Aren't we all lucky this morning? Once ready I pulled him out of the flat and down the stairs.

"You need to help me get to the Ninja Academy pronto." I saw his hand twitch. I think he was tempted in slapping his face. Wonder how that feels?

"Isn't that your problem?"

Conceal, don't feel Mara-chan. I stopped and turned to face him, giving him a fake laugh, patting his cheek. "My problem is your problem _Uchiha-san_. Now do the ninja voodoo that you guys do and take me to the academy." If glares could kill, I'd be dust. He held my hand albeit begrudgingly (much to my disappointment) and formed whatever hand signs he needed to magically poof us away. You do not want to know what you feel when a person mysteriously poofs away. It's like someone is pulling and contracting you about coupled with freakish lights and psychotic music. How can ninjas handle this? It's even worse compared to the time I had tried acid with Kiki! I thought the wall paper in her house was going to eat me and that her lamp was actually a handsome little motherfucker. Please don't ask what happened afterwards, it's too crazy to even think about it in a state like this. The psychadelic mini epidsode caused me to end on the floor heaving my apple out. It just so happens that I was prjectile vomitting on someone's feet. I can't actually make out the person just because all of the people around here wear the same ugly blue or black sandals. If I ever become a famous scholar and even the Hokage of this place (which I desire not to) I would totally redo the fashion sense.

"Ew! You barfed on me Kawaii-chan! WHY? Ew, ew EW!" So it's OD, the pocketful of sunshine. I rubbed my hand on my mouth and got up. I looked around to find only the dweeb. So _Uchiha-san_ left the scene of the crime before getting caught huh? Frowning, I shifted my attention towards the squeamish ninja. He twitched about kicking his feet. Wow Iruka-sensei must be doing one hell of a good job with this one. I sighed and unlocked the library doors. The stale smell of books mixed with apricots wafted out. _Nice, really nice._ A fragrance I exquisitely want to smell after upsetting my stomach onto the Dweeb's feet.

"Kawaii-chan help me out here! I've got icky shit on my feet because of yoouu!" How annoying. My migraine seemed to resurface from its short holiday. Kami-sama, I really need some guidance right now. I don't want to have this kid's blood on my hands. Amen. What did they say on TV last week? Oh right, count to ten and think about your happy place. Happy place equals Itachi Uchiha plus bedroom. Well, if Itachi would actually stop his bitching and smile at me for once. 

"Can't you stick your feet in some water or something? I really don't need your whines today. I've got a headache and now I'm hungry. Leave!" That should have dealt with it. But it didn't. It actually made the whole problem worse. 'Why? What's happening?' You may ask. Well, here, in front of me, stood the same ninja with a foxy grin who had a twitch attack just seconds ago. Now, why would he have a grin? I'm quite curious about it. I will not show it, as in the past it got me between a rock and a hard place. I stomped into the library and slammed my bag on the receptionist desk. Wow so many papers to sort. I should start right away. I mean I already wasted… what time is it? Oh, it's ten minutes past ten. I have never been this late for work. I hope nobody noticed my absence. So peaceful! No, wait what's the dobe doing in the library? He's getting apple barf all over my floors! Curse him!

"Kawaii-chan, nice dress! It really brings out your hair colour!" Ah, so innocent. I haven't heard anything like that in ages. The thing is that I used to blush at those words whenever Daisuke (the 'prince-charming-whose-coming-for-me-someday-to-take-me-to-the-castle-high-up-in-the-mountains ' guy, remember?) used to say them. Gosh, that was years ago! I'm growing really old. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts! Um, unicorns! Yeah, if you're a three year old. Oh, Mara-chan, how are we going to get rid of him?

"Um, thanks I guess." Shuffle. Wow these papers never seem to end. Get the hint Naruto.

"I wonder… is that a fan on the back?" No shit Sherlock.

"Yes Sunshine. It's a fan." I gave him the 'Librarian Look' also known as the infamous 'Stink Eye'. My mother says that I'm getting really good at giving those out. Going the truthful route this time - won't end up flustered for sure.

Naruto blushed and started laughing sheepishly. "It looks like the Uchiha-teme crest, you know?"

"It may be the clan's insignia." I looked up from the paperwork to find him crouching on the receptionist table. I'm so used to this. Actually it really is something normal around here. They even walk upside down and on walls. Maybe they do sleep hanging upside down.

"Ne, ne! I think I saw Sasuke-teme's brother with you before but it could be just my imagination! Noodles in the morning may give you hallucinations!" He started scratching his left cheek. What does the kid have on his cheek? Are those scratches or dirt? As the ever-serious librarian, I really should investigate!

"Mmm Naruto-kun, he might have been here. Hey, what's that on your cheek?" Must get tissue out now. I grabbed hold of his chin and tilted his face towards the light. "Hold still." I started rubbing my thumb on his cheek. Wow that dirt is really stubborn! Maybe if I rub harder than I could get the little fuckers off!

"WHAT ARE YA TRYING TO DO? SKIN ME ALIVE KAWAII-CHAN? IT HURTS!"

"YOU'VE GOT DIRT ON YOUR FACE YOU DWEEB! NOW STAY STILL AND LET ME CLEAN IT!" So long for my happy thoughts. He pouted and stopped whining. Wait, he's got the same three lines on the other cheek. Is this some kind of jutsu he's doing? No, he's too much of an idiot to handle mastering stuff like that. They seem to match each other. Maybe it's a weird birth mark. Yeah, that must be it. Now how to cover up my blatant mistakes? I patted his cheek and smiled.

"There now you're all clean!" I did leave an ugly red mark on his face. Did I rub too hard? Oh no, I hurt him for nothing! "Wait a minute." I rummaged through my bag. A band aid! Now I can just stick it on the red mark and everything would be new! Plus it has these cute animals printed on it. There's a lion, a tiger, a peacock and shark. But the shark does look a bit disturbing to be on a kiddie's band aid. I stuck it on. He pouted and glared. "I don't need it! I'm a man dattebayo!"

"Don't you ' _dattebayo_ ' me young man. You keep it on until you go home to get some bandages and no buts!" I feel motherly right now. Is this how a woman feels towards young kids? It's weird, as if on instinct. I don't like the fuzziness. Maybe I should stop. Yeah, good idea Mara-chan.

"Humph, you're not my _mother_." He jumped down from the desk and wobbled over to the door. He looked back at me before running out. I sighed and continued with sorting the boring papers. Suddenly I heard a crash and scream.

"EWWW I'M IN KAWAII-CHAN'S BARF!"

Sigh - All in a day's work.


	11. Hearsay Can Be Deceiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumour has it that Konoha seems to thrive on useless information.
> 
> (I broke my external hard drive and I've been crying ever since)

"Hey it's Naruto! What the hell are ya wearing?" Akamaru's master barked at the Blond. Naruto stopped and looked down at his attire - black tee shirt and khaki shorts. He wasn't going to spend the rest of the day covered in apple-hack (no thanks to Kawaii-chan) so he made a run for his flat. Since his most beautiful and vivacious tracksuits were all in the laundry basket he opted to go with normal clothes for once. By normal clothes he meant the only normal clothes he had, this tee shirt and the pants. He is grateful that he didn't throw them away last week. He just had a feeling that something bad was going to happen and that he needed them in the future. (What he really meant is that he was too lazy to throw them away). Being a ninja and future Hokage, one should keep up with appearances and show the village how responsible he really is.

"Never mind these. I've got the most exciting news in the whole of Konoha -ttebayo!" The group of pre-pubescent boys looked away uninterested. When Naruto Uzumaki said that it was exciting news, it was either noodles related or about… well that basically. Oh and that he may have had a chance at beating the Uchiha playboy in their class. Shikamaru kept on snoring on the benches, Chouji opened yet another barbeque flavoured crisps bag and Kiba looked at some girl's ass (albeit his interest in female behinds might be deemed a bit too premature for his current age). Naruto contemplated about whether he made a right choice in approaching them first.

"Ne, ne! It's what the girls call gossip!" Kiba yawned and snuggled into his furry friend. Naruto really wanted to punch the crap out of them for ignoring him. It is epic news that will rock the whole foundations of the shinobi world and set tremors throughout space, disrupting the time continuum in the process. Naruto sighed and climbed on top of the school benches, praying that Iruka-sensei would be late for their history lesson. He flailed his arms in the air and shouted a bit to have them hear him.

"You know Kaw- I mean the librarian? She's getting married to Sasuke-teme's brother and they're having a baby!" There was a sudden silence around him. The three mini shinobi looked at him astonished. He already said before that it was exciting news, and he really meant it. He grinned triumphantly at them all and got down from the bench. Kiba's mouth hung open. Shikamaru was fully awake and surprisingly Chouji dropped his packet of snacks on the floor; barbecue flavoured chips just seemed blazée. The brown flaky salt sticks dropped at their feet. Akamaru took the opportunity of free food and started eating. Shikamaru was the first to recover.

"What a drag…"

"You mean the foxy librarian's taken? Oh maaaan!" Yelled the dog-lover. Of course he had a thing for the woman. It was mainly because of that - she was a _woman_. All curves, independent, mature, and _experienced_. A trickle of blood barely visible to his classmates flowed down from his nostrils.

"I wonder what the baby will look like…" Chouji said as he picked up his packet and resumed doing what he knew best - eating.

"Hey I heard something about Sasuke-kun!" A tuft of blonde appeared before their eyes.

"Yeah what are you saying about Sasuke-kun?" Green eyes gleamed as she said her 'future man's' name.

Naruto looked over to his true love and grinned. "I'll tell ya if you kiss me!" A vein popped to the side of her head and she punched him in the gut. "Shut up and tell us!" Naruto recovered from the punch and with the help of the table he got up steadily. Looking at them he discovered some of the bastards fan girls staring at him glassy eyed. His eye twitched at how many girls that idiot had after him. He didn't even have one looking at him the same way they did towards 'Sasuke-kun'! It suddenly got him angry.

"Hey Chicken-butt, congratulations on becoming an uncle!" That should do it. The whole classroom froze. Naruto felt a sudden power coursing through him. Was this how someone feels when they were a step ahead? He looked at the Uchiha and smirked. The look was priceless!

"What are you talking about dobe?" Naruto sauntered his way next to Sasuke. He slammed his right hand on the table and leaned into the Uchiha's face. "You better not corrupt the baby's mind like yours is you bastard!"

* * *

 

"Iruka-sensei, what happened to the Senju clan?" a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed young boy called Mizuki asked from the front row. Such a promising ninja he shall become. Iruka almost cried when he heard an intelligent question coming from an eight year old. Maybe he should speed things up a bit for this one and see if he is fit to graduate from the academy. "Nobody knows Mizuki-san. It's a really tough question to answer and for that I shall give you a shuriken!" The classroom groaned as Iruka pranced over to the teacher's desk and grabbed a cardboard shuriken. He stuck it next to the prodigy's name on a chart. Looking at it, he was the only one with more than ten shuriken or kunai. Maybe he really should consider upgrading this kids' class…

"HOLY MOTHER OF BOILED BROCCOLI WHAT IS THAT?!"

The kids looked up and tried to block the banshee's call. Iruka was shocked by that cry too. He ran out of the classroom and looked about in the corridor. Some of the students started trailing after him. They giggled and talked about some kind of 'mission'. He ordered them all into the classroom and said that he will go investigate the scream. Anyone out of their places would have a kunai removed, even if they don't have anything on the chart.

Iruka closed the door behind him and walked around the corridors, waiting for another cry. "HELP ME! HEEEEELP!"

He ran into the library to find the librarian on a chair her hands flailing in the air. "What is wrong Miss Yamato?" She stopped screeching and looked over, relieved to finally have someone come to her pleas. His heart skipped a beat as he took in her appearance. That dress that she wore really showed off her physique. He looked up to find her mouth moving.

"….Cockroach! Kill…please?" He automatically nodded and set out to kill the pest. What was it? Oh right a cockroach. He found it skittering into the back room. Iruka ran after it and squished it. The dreadful crack echoed throughout the library. The woman shuddered and groaned. Iruka cleaned the mess up and went back into the main room.

"Oh thank you Iruka-sensei! I am so afraid of cockroaches! Oh you're my hero!" She giggled as she stepped off the chair. Iruka blushed, hero? He was never called anything like that before, apart from his mother when she needed to get the jam open. He smiled at her. She smiled back at him and offered some tea. He declined politely. Imagine what would have happened if giant mutant cockroaches attacked Konoha? He would be there to save her from them. He'd swoop down and slice its head off, ripping his shirt in the process. She would moan and come running up to his aid. ' _Are you hurt? Oh Iruka-dono! You're my Hero!'_ Life would be _perfect_.

"Iruka-sensei you've got some blood on your nose. Is everything ok? You better go to the infirmary. Want me to call them for you?" She looked at him concerned. He blushed and excused himself from the library. When he stepped out of the room he dug into his pocket and took out a piece of tissue, stuck it deep into his nostril and left to continue his lesson.

* * *

 

"Hey guess what've heard through the grape vine? _Itachi-sama_ is _married_ to the Academy's _librarian_ and they've got _three kids_!" A group of girls gossiped about their main subject - Itachi-sama. Kimiko shook away some of the blue hair that fell into her face. That better not be true. Last time she checked he was single and definitely not married. Like, who would marry that beast of a librarian? She heard that she gave out mean looks and even forced kids to clean the library. It was what her little brother tells her. She was disgusted with the idea of her even having kids. _Kimiko_ was supposed to bear _his_ children! _She_ was destined to become a great ninja and get acknowledged by _his_ majesty! It was supposed to be _her_! Her, her, _HER_!

"That cannot be true. I mean, who would marry that _bitch_?"

"Yeah, that's true Kimiko-chan! Everyone knows that _Itachi-sama_ can do better than that." They all nodded and resumed discussing about what type of meals their master would love to eat. They rounded towards the Ninja Academy when suddenly they were surrounded by a sea of children. It was the least that they all wanted. Some of them said their goodbyes when their younger siblings forced them away from the group. There was only a group of teens at the front gate talking vividly about something. The name 'Itachi-sama' caught their attention. The few girls left leaned a bit closer towards the group.

"…Guess what I saw? The librarian and Iruka-sensei were getting it on in the library!"

"EW! That can't be true! She's married to Sasuke-kun's older brother! She can't do stuff like that…"

"You don't know what young people do these days…"

"You sound like an old man!"

Kimiko didn't need to hear more. How dare _she_ cheat on _her_ Itachi-kun? She just had to go and ruin her expectations of the Itachi being single again by this news was true which truly shattered her self-esteem ~~(as apparently it had to be true seeing that a group of prepubescent children discussing adult life was a sound argument to base the truth upon)~~. They all took it the dreadful news in but she was _obviously_ the most effected. I mean, she was going to be his future wife (hypothetical speaking). She needs to investigate on who this hag is, and fast!

* * *

 

Ah, today was a rough day at work! After having OD clean the barf off the floor via his tracksuit when he slipped on it, I had a mounds and mounds of papers and books to sort. Some were so old I thought that they would disintegrate in my hands! I had some stuff which I had to put in the restricted area. I really don't know what's restricting about it I mean; they're just books about jutsus right? So anyways I was given access to the bloody area and when I had just finished putting the books away an insect - no - a human eating insect skittered across the room. It was the gruesome cockroach! Ugh! I'm so afraid of those things! They give me the creeps! So I ended up yelling like an idiot and then Iruka-sensei came in to save the day. He squished the thing (I hate it when they crack) and left. Then I still had to sort more stuff into their places. It's four already and I had promised Mizu-chan that I'll go shopping with her; I mean she will need new clothes for the next nine months or so! Yes Mizu is pregnant! I can't believe that no girl could pick that up except for Kimi-kun. I think that that guy's a ninja. He always somehow knows what's going on. After packing my stuff and locking the doors I walked towards my apartment to change into comfortable clothes. I love maxi dresses, don't you? They just make you look fashionable without the extra hassle. I ran out of the flat and walked over to the mall. There I found the mummy-in-waiting! Everyone seems to have their whole lives sorted now. Kiki got proposed to by her long time boyfriend and now she's got a wedding to plan.

"Hello Mara-chan, how was your day?" Ah her gentle voice would soothe any baby from its aches and scares.

"It was rough but uneventful. How is my niece doing in there hmm?" I bent down and held her stomach. Are you listening to me little one? You better be a girl so that I can teach ya the tricks of the trade when it comes to boys! Then we can have sleepovers and talk about how stupid boys really are.

"Um, we don't know if it's even a girl or a boy Mara…"

"Oh don't worry, she shall come out one day and show off her beaver instead of a wiener!" Mizu slapped her forehead and murmured for me to follow her.

* * *

 

Sasuke glimpsed the two ladies walking around looking at clothes. Ugh, women doing the only thing they know - _shopping_. Why did he even believe in the dobe? It's because he already suspected that Itachi had a secret girlfriend that he goes to visit every once in a while. He sometimes never found him in the house until late in the morning where he would dismiss Sasuke from his plea of training to go to sleep. Sasuke blushed at the thought of what they would be doing at night to make his prodigy of a brother that tired. He spied on the two women entering a baby shop. He glared. So maybe the dobe was partially right with his hearsay. He walked near the shop and glanced around. How he wished he could focus some chakra towards his ears. He cursed his luck and walked away so as to not look suspicious.

"Sasuke-kun, what are you doing here?" Sasuke froze and turned. It was just one of his brother's fans. He released his breath and resumed his usual look - a copy image of his brother, emulating all the beautiful sounds that were innate to an Uchiha, "Hn." Kimiko knew that she wouldn't get anything out of the kid. She did see him snoop around the same subject of interest as hers, so she quickly deduced that he was spying on that woman for almost the same reasons as hers.

"If you really want this mission to succeed you need me to help you." She grabbed his arm and returned to her hiding place just next to a clothes rack. He saw her left ear glow with chakra. She started to frown at the conversation the two women were having.

"…Ne ne, Mizu-chan we need this pink in a baby's room! And blue and yellow. All in pastel colours! Oh and baby animals. No not real ones silly!" _Obnoxious bitch_.

"If you say so… What do you think of this one?"

"It's _so_ cute and stylish! You know if it's a girl I think I would name her something like Senbi and if it's a boy then I would leave that to the hubby. It wouldn't be fair if I get to name them all myself, plus I don't know any good un-cheesy names for boys." Kimiko wanted to strangle her right there and then, but she restrained herself thinking about how she may damage Itachi-kun's offspring. She wouldn't stoop as low as that, plus the baby's uncle was right next to her giving her a glare. She turned towards him and nodded. He nodded back. He seemed to have understood. Their target was walking out of the mall with her friend. They waited for a few minutes and walked behind them. There was no need for chakra this time; the bitch could be easily heard from Suna.

"I had a great time Mizu-chan! We should do it again sometime… Maybe a few months later when the baby is grown and we could know the gender!"

"Thank you Mara-chan! I wish you a safe journey home!" They hugged each other and went their separate ways. _Her_  friend had a few bags while it skipped away. Suddenly Kimiko felt a pang of guilt. She was supposed to be the one doing that! She was supposed to meet up with her friends and go choosing colours for the room, or choose clothes for the child. Heck, she should be the one choosing the names! Just what does Itachi-kun see in her? Her hair is an obscene orange colour, she seems to like showing off her body to other men and she caught her flirting with some too! She's a married woman for God's sake! Kimiko glanced away from the receding figure and looked towards the brother-in-law. She was supposed to call him that _dammit_! He was still looking at the woman. Kimiko sighed and got up from the corner they crouched behind. She excused herself and went to her house. Oh, Kimiko is so declaring war against that _slut_! How _dare_ she steal her future husband _away_ from _her_?

Sasuke stayed crouched in his position. What did his brother see in this woman? He narrowed his eyes and started walking into the shadows alongside the woman. She started humming to herself. There were plenty of other women far more beautiful than her and far more wife material then her. What was her name? Mara Yama… Yamato! Right, Mara Yamato. Well, actually now it's Mara Uchiha. He studied her body. He blushed when he stared at her bust. He immediately looked away. She did have a nice body, that's for sure. But why did Itachi leave all this in the hush hush? Wouldn't he want to show her off to his family? To ask her hand in marriage and have a normal wedding? He is the future clan leader so it would be important to keep a clean profile. Did he mention something to his team mates? His friends? It hurt a bit that he knew nothing of the sort. He hated feeling left out and lost, especially by his older brother.

"Hmm, I wonder what Uchiha-san is doing right now…" Sasuke perked up from his mini depression. _Uchiha-san_? Was she talking about his brother? His heart started to beat faster. He stayed silent when she stopped and looked to her right. There stood the Uchiha Compound; magnificent and proud buildings towering before them. Sasuke felt a bit of pride when she gasped and sighed at the clan's wealth. He saw her gaze linger on one of the largest houses there were - his home. She smiled and continued to walk away. Sasuke hesitated a bit. Was this even something right to do? Looking between her receding figure and the compound he decided for the better of his clan to follow her. She had already reached the gates while he talked to the guards to notify his father about him being late. He said that he was doing research about the Second Shinobi War. He then ran his way towards the gates. Dammit he lost her! He looked frantically around until he saw a tuft of orange hair flapping in the wind. She was walking up the road towards the Hokage Tower. Then she turned right into a side street. Is that the Yamanaka Flower Shop? His target walked up to an apartment complex and entered. So that was where she lived. Satisfied, the young ninja called it a day. He would keep this a secret until he would be sure that she truly was his sister-in-law and if she really was pregnant.

* * *

 

"Um hi I'm here to visit two ninjas called Arata and Hayate? I don't-"

"Are you a certain ' _Mara-chan'_?" I blinked at the nurse. How did she know my name? "Yes… Why?" I looked at her suspiciously. Can she read people that easily? Is she one hell of a ninja underneath? Wait, aren't medics supposed to be ninjas too? Ay, I'm such a Shultz. "Well it's because they both haven't stopped whining about you. You're lucky to have two men worried about you!" I mirrored her fake smile and followed her instructions to which room they were tucked in. After several windings and staircases, I found their room: RM 674. I knocked and waited.

"Come in." Is that who I think it is? I opened the door to find the two men tucked in their beds with bandages across their chests and arms. Arata sat up immediately and frowned. "Are you a new nurse? I never saw you around here." I rubbed my face. Can't he remember me? Did he have amnesia or something? Hayate smirked and looked over to his innocent friend. I guess Hayate didn't have the same faith as his team mate had. "No you idiot it's me Mara Yamato. M-A-R-A Y-A-M-A-T-O."

Arata grinned but then frowned again. "What happened to your hair?" I seriously want to slap the shit out of him for bringing that up. Hayate threw him his empty cup of water and hissed something to him. "Itachi-sempai said not to mention the H-A-I-R incident you idiot!"

"…" The purple prosaic words from the stoic ninja bounced around white walls. I walked up to Itachi and smiled at him. He didn't return it though. Oh, right _we're in front of his team!_  I looked back towards the injured. Arata was rubbing his head and Hayate was laughing his ass off. I really don't want to know what happened. I walked to Arata and hugged him. "I've missed you, you goofball!" I patted his head and went to Hayate. He coughed into his hand and smelled the air in between. Then he whispered _"Plausible."_ He grinned at me and opened his arms. The prick.

"You actually lost yourself a hug mister." I tapped my foot on the floor and placed my arms on my hips. He suddenly became depressed and went into his emo corner. "Ne ne Mara-chan you didn't give Itachi-sempai a hug!"

"Heh, I already greeted him last week when you guys came back home! Now where can I put these flowers?" I lifted the bouquet of roses and shook them for emphasis. I felt Itachi's glare on me. I somehow can distinguish his from anyone else's - must be from all the time I spend with him (wink, wink! Well most of the time it was him glaring at me in every possible situation). Hayate jabbed at a clear vase on the bedside table they shared. I put the roses in it and went to the sink in the bathroom to fill it up with water. Once I was ready I walked slowly back into the room. Arata was having a twitch fit while Hayate said,"Itachi-sempai, help out the dear woman! She can't lift anything too heavy in her state!" Itachi looked between his team and me. Then he walked towards me and grabbed the vase with one hand. I bet he can lift it with his pinkie! I said my thanks but I reviewed what Hayate said.

"Hey I'm not that vulnerable you know. I can lift things up without spraining my ankle again!"

"But Mara-chaaan~! We don't want anything to happen to you or, you know, _it_!"

"Jeez I'm not going to get myself killed if I lift the damn thing normally!"

"Stop it Arata, she's having her moods swings."

"Yeah, Hayate, I guess we shouldn't feel sad about the insults she tells us… Hey does that mean we found out her _secret_?"

"Hey speak up you two!" Damn ninjas! Why do they have to whisper things out?

"Oh nothing that concerns you Mara-chan! Hey have some cookies! My mum baked them for us!" I got bribed with cookies. They were the good ones though but still. The ninjas bribed little old me with double chocolate chip hazelnut home-made cookies. Curses! I noticed that Itachi had returned to where he was before, leaning against the wall next to the window on the far left. I looked at the vase.

"How are you guys feeling?"

"Fine." Was Hayate's response.

"I have an itch on my back and my head hurts but I'm fine with it Mara-chan! As long as you're here with us!" Arata smiled at me showing off his perfect white teeth,shinging out like a flashlight. I reached out for his forehead and rubbed his temples. "All better?" He nodded. I told him to bend a bit so that I could reach his itch. He was teary eyed when I puffed out his pillows. "Hey Mara I have an itch too it's on my knee~!"

Oh poor ninjas. I went to him and lifted the covers. He propped his knee up and I scratched it. "Mara could you be my mother too?" I looked at him amused at his question. Who would want me to be a mother? Hah fancy that! I patted his pillows and pushed him down. "It's time for you to sleep because it's already six!"

"Mara-chan could you tell us a story? So that you could _practice_ you know?"

"Yeah it will be a good way for you to rehearse for _the job."_

Were they talking about me being a librarian? I guess so. "There aren't many interesting books in the library. It's all about ninjas and jutsus and history. Who needs to know about that?" They chuckled. "Invent one then Mara-chan!" Both of them looked at me starry eyed. Why am I a sucker for that look? I sat down on the visitor's chair and leaned in forward.

"Once upon a time, there was a… princess!"

"A princess?" Hayate inquired.

"Yeah - and this princess comes from a village hidden somewhere which is very far away. Her mother sent her to Konoha to find a husband. So she lived in a little flat which she was renting out on a false name. Her real name is Mariko but she changed it to keep her identity secret."

"Oh! What happens?" A teddy bear appeared out of nowhere in Arata's hands.

"She lived normally until one night she got kidnapped by evil ninjas who knew her identity." What am I getting myself into? Arata gasped, his eyes grew wider than they could possibly grow, leaving him a copy of his teddy bear.

"A very known and respectable ninja went to save her from the evil person. She _immediately_ fell in love with him." Arata started to drool on the teddy bear's ear while Hayate munched on one of the cookies Arata's mother made. They looked like children.Can you imagine them being kids? Hah what a handful they'd be.

"Anyway, they got married secretly. She took him back to her village to her mother whom she accepted. They agreed that the children would be brought up in her village near the mountains, until it was deemed safe enough to go back to Konoha. The princess and the ninja-"

"-I'm sorry but visiting hours are over." A nurse popped her head round the door slightly ajar. She smiled at us. "Good night Arata and Hayate!" I got up slowly and stretched.

"But what happens next?" Hayate asked as I tucked him in. It was the least that I could do to repay them for what they've done. I gave him a small kiss on the forehead and did the same with Arata. Arata whined, "I want to know what happens to Mariko-hime!"

"Some other time guys." I waved them goodbye as they sulked in their beds. Itachi and I walked out of the room quietly. We didn't speak until I reached my home. We stopped and stared at the apartment block. I sighed and turned round to Itachi. A breeze picked up. This really looks like those scenes in a film where the girl and guy confess their love to each other. We kept on staring at each other. Now the guy should grab hold of both of her hands and say that he loved her. She would break down and confess as well. They would embrace each other and then be all mushy in 'making love' as Itachi so dearly put it. I smiled at him and lifted my hand to his cheek. "Goodnight Uchiha-san."

He kept on glaring at me. Yeah, I really feel the love and warmth radiating from his eyes. "You know if you glare too much you may start needing glasses." He chuckled, a faint smile gracing his lips. Ah, how I wouldn't mind cherishing them so dearly. If only I'd find a way to make that happen - the sooner the better. I need my fix. Damn me and my mouth! Why'd I have to go and say those stupid words? He inched closer to me, my face suddenly felt hot. He bent down and gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Good night Miss Yamato." He then disappeared. I touched my forehead. That definitely wasn't Itachi. It must have been another ninja wearing his clothes or something.

What if it was the rapist wearing his clothes?

* * *

 

Finally, everyone had evidence that something was going on between those two! Kimiko looked around to find her most thrust worthy side kick Sasuke glaring daggers at the woman. _No worries honey, that's how everyone feels_. She mused as she looked over to the other ninjas that wanted to check out the new gossip of the town. They were diverse in ages, from mere students to even jounin and even ANBU! They wore their garb and hid well in the shadows along with the jounin. The chuunins and gennins stayed high up in trees along with her and Sasuke. They all waited for the woman to do something other than just stand there and gape at the space in front of her.

"What the hell was that for _Uchiha-san?"_ She cried out. Turning round she stamped into the complex and slammed the main doors shut. Once they deemed it safe they all got out of their hiding places. They started talking at once.

"Quiet!" They all looked at Kimiko. "I think that now we know the truth. We will proceed with the investigation but until further notice, good bye and good night." They all poofed out of sight. Kimiko and the gennins along with the students were the only ones left, so they all started walking in different directions towards home, contemplating whether anyone should start writing fanfiction on the two or if it was taking it overboard.


	12. Pride is a Deadly Sin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prejudice should follow suit.

Sasuke's gaze stayed focused on the balcony. He saw the woman get up from her bed and stretch, revealing her panties to him. His face turned red in a flash. He shouldn't be affected by these things! He's a ninja in training for God's sake! But still, he just couldn't help it, well; he was a ten, on the verge of becoming a _man_. He resumed his attention towards the female. She had answered the phone. His stomach started to growl. He twitched but kept looking at the balcony. He had to leave his house early to resume his mission. No, he wouldn't let anybody in on it, not even that annoying _Kimiko_. This was something far deeper to him than to her. He wanted to know who this lady really is, what her business with his brother was and how she had captured his attention. Suddenly he started to feel faint.

_Groooooowwwlll._

Sasuke placed a hand on his abdomen. He really should have packed some lunch or a snack with him. Dammit, he shouldn't be so unprepared! What would Itachi-niisan say?

_'Foolish little brother.'_

Sasuke cringed. The sun was high up in the sky and what looks like to be already way past noon. How can a woman sleep that much? Sasuke shook the feeling of thirst and continued balancing on the branch high up in the tree. It was the best spying place for this apartment. The tree was directly diagonal to the balcony and with all the foliage Sasuke could camouflage himself easily. He felt a twang of pride at his achievement - after all he _is_ an _Uchiha_. Speaking of Uchihas, was that his brother? His vision started to get clouded but he commanded himself to keep still. He wasn't going to become unconscious - how come the scenery changed to branches?

* * *

 

"Ok, bye mum." I put down the receiver and turned round. OH MY GOD SOMEONE'S IN MY ROOM! I did the most rational thing anyone does. I screamed my head off. The intruder clamped his hand on my mouth. Oh it's just Ice-block. Such an idiot…

"Morning Miss Yamato." Ok, this is getting a bit creep here. Yesterday he chuckled and kissed my head. Now today he visited me á la ninja and I almost shit myself because of it. Something is definitely up. His hand still stayed on my mouth, so I licked his palm. His ears started turning red and he immediately took his hand off. Success!

"Mornin' Hot-Stuff. Whatcha doin' here, _honey_?" I stepped a bit closer to him, running my hands up and down his front. I saw him twitch from under my eye. Ah, Itachi makes twitching as hot as orgasms. I lifted my arms around his neck and looked up. He held his poker face really well - I must applaud him for that. Not many men could keep up his act like he could. I leaned in but he beat me to it. He had already poofed away. That man makes me very angry sometimes.

 _BAM!_  I ran to where the sound came from the balcony and looked down. There in the middle of the pavement was a body. What's the big deal with suicides and me? Kami-sama, are you sending me a message? Am I going to die soon? Wait a minute, I know that hair - is that Chicken Head?

I made my way out of the flat down the stairs and out of the door. A few people gave him weird looks but kept on walking. Now really people, where's the Good Samaritan in you? I crouched down and started poking his face. He looked so serene - maybe he's dead. What will happen now? Should I call the hospital? Wait his chest is moving. So he's not dead huh? What should I do? I looked around to find the street suddenly deserted. Weren't there those few kids flopping fake shuriken at each other's heads?

"Hey kid, get up." _Groan._

"Come on the pavement's not a bed ya know?" His eye brows twitched. How _cute_! That's what Itachi does when he falls asleep after sex. Speaking of Itachi, Chicken Head looks like him. He's got the nose and the mouth and- wait; don't all the Uchihas have almost the same facial features? He groaned again. I am such a dumbass. I shouldn't be staring at the half dead kid. I should be rescuing him from the heat! I propped him up and tried dragging his skinny little ass into the apartment complex. They say that bodies get heavier when people are unconscious. Well, let me tell ya, that is a fact. Like 100% true. This kid is as heavy as my sofa! I had to make sure he didn't break any bones whilst shoving him up the little steps. Stepping inside the elevator, I dragged him in and bent his knees to stop them getting harassed by the lift's doors. I pressed the button and with some effort the elevator started its ascent to my floor. I successfully dragged the kid inside my flat. Oh dear, I can't leave my guest on the floor! What if he wakes up and then goes off to his little compound and tells Itachi about it? Damn it I'll have to lift him up. I aligned him next to my sofa and cracked my knuckles. I twisted my neck round and bent my back forward to hear a resounding crack. I inhaled and exhaled a few times before I bent down and grabbed hold of his legs. I threw them up on the sofa.

I think I should take a break from this. It's hard. Why do I have to be blessed with no muscle tissue whatsoever? Heck, I think it's because I got the boobs. Nature's twisted sense of humour. I sighed and heaved him up. I threw him on the sofa. I should take a shower right now… I smell really bad. Maybe I should put a damp cloth on his forehead. I walked to the bathroom and took out a facecloth from a cabinet. I filled the sink with warm water and soaked it in. I wrung the cloth and went back to the living room. I placed it on his forehead, should help him get out of it… I think. I really do smell bad; maybe a shower wouldn't hurt anyone.

I went back to the bathroom and stripped myself out of my pyjama. I'm so lucky that it's a Saturday today, or else I would have been sacked for going to work late! I stepped into the shower and turned it on. Ah, it's so relaxing! I started scrubbing the sweat off. There's something strange about CH. He really does look like Itachi. It may be just a coincidence plus like I said before, Uchihas have almost the same face. You'd definitely tell an Uchiha out of a bunch of people. It's something about how they carried themselves - the pride and superiority radiates off them. I'm thinking too much into this. He must be some cousin trice removed or something.

* * *

 

Sasuke woke up to the sound of water running. Was there a waterfall? But he was still in Konoha. The ground really feels lumpy under him. Is that fabric? And how did get himself in such a weird position? His legs were crossed and his right arm was underneath him. He lifted his arm and removed the white cloth shielding him from the world. A ceiling greeted him. He lifted himself up to find himself in a pink living room. Looking around he concluded that it was a female's home just by looking at the girly furniture scattered around. He got off the sofa and went straight into the kitchen. He held onto the kitchen counters for support and staggered about looking for clues as to who his heroine was. He dreaded the thought of Sakura or Ino dragging him to their houses.

After his inspection of the kitchen he staggered down the corridor to where the sound of water came. It suddenly stopped. He froze right in front of the door. He reached for the knob and turned it slowly, steam greeting him. He scrunched his eyes and saw a silhouette of a woman. A naked woman to be exact. Sasuke tasted some blood in his mouth. Did he bite himself? Lifting a finger, he trailed his lips to find the blood source that was coming from his nostrils. The woman turned round and screamed. Sasuke fainted, the image of the naked female in front of him scorched on the insides of his eyelids for ever.

* * *

 

The brat had stalked me into the freaking bathroom! He is in no shape to go running around, look at the blood running down his nostrils! Ugh, ninjas think they're the shit and that they can magically heal after a few minutes. Seriously, do they live in a world of their own? Now I got to drag him back and lift him up. But the bedroom is so much closer. Maybe I should put him on my bed. Should be easier right? 

And that's what I attempted to do. I said attempted because my towel was slipping off every five seconds and CH seemed to have gained some weight from a few minutes ago. I pulled him down the corridor and into my lush bedroom. Lush is the least probable adjective you'd describe my bedroom with. Normal and uninteresting are the words for it. I'm so lucky that my bed is not that high up. I crouched and put on my Sumo face. I grunted and groaned when I successfully lifted him in my arms. But I landed on my butt. This sequence continued for a few more minutes until I got him on the bed in another random position. This time he's doing the foetus position. I lifted a bit of my towel and cleaned the blood. I turned round and went to find something to wear other than my birthday suit. I found a random tee shirt and some shorts. Putting on my bra and panties, I went super speed on the clothes and voila! I got dressed in a jiffy! Maybe I should place another facecloth on his head. I grabbed a new facecloth and soaked it in warm water. I wringed it again and went and placed it on his face. I nodded and went to the kitchen to fix me some breakfast.

I hummed a tune as I went on about opening cabinets, slamming them to the beat of the song. The song was all over the radio stations and TV. Everyone couldn't keep it out of their heads. Yesterday I heard a kid screaming it in the library while wearing headphones. I left him screaming it until he noticed what he was doing. Hah you should have seen his face! Beetroot red with a tinge of green. Yeah he hasn't shown his face near the library since! It's wondrous how addicting music can be hm? It's like a tingle in your tummy that flows all over your body and makes you tap your feet about and sway from side to side. Ah, yes, the beauty of music. I switched on the radio and lo and behold, the song was playing. All thoughts on hunger quickly vanished as the bass moved deep within me, moving my hips so slowly and bopping my head to the beat. It's moments like these which I truly cherish whenever I'm surrounded by peace and quiet. I twirled about the kitchenette, miming the lyrics as I imagined myself on stage with back up dancers. I would totally kill it. It came to a part where the singer would turn around and strike a pose which I knew how to do by heart. I had achieved it spot on, only to find myself with an audience.

"Oh my- Itachi you gave me a fright!" I held onto the kitchen counter trying to calm my heart. Damn ninjas never using doors! There stood the stoic man, unashamed of his perpetual breaking and entering. I'm not sure what to do with these men. The song finished, merging into another one. I slammed the button off and turned my attention back to him. He stood in front of me, blinking ever so slowly.

"Why is Sasuke in your bedroom?"

Ah, hmm. Of course he's come for his cousin thrice removed. Clan members must look out for each other really badly. Well he had every right to look out for a ten year old strewn precariously on the bed of a significantly older and sexy woman. I need to appease the beast before I become toast.

"Jealous, _are we_?" Oh wow Mara-chan. that totally made you look like a sexual predator. You need to get your act together. Itachi just stared back at me, waiting patiently for the truth. "Well, I heard a noise outside and found him in front of the apartments, so I got him out of the sun." There, now you sound like a very responsible Konoha citizen looking out for the younger generation. I gave him a smile just to make it seem all innocent and true. Which it totally was mind you. I bit my lower lip, looking around the kitcken. Oh wait, a good host would ask her guests if they're thirsty.

"I have ice tea," I turned round before he could answer and opened the fridge, getting out the pitcher and wiggling it to him. Don't ask me why I did that, my mother used to do that to me to make it seem more enticing. I doubt it worked this time. I cringed my way to the cupboard, taking out a glass each. The silence ensued as I poured for us. I put on a brave smile and gave him his, clinking my glass with his before taking a sip of mine. He wasn't being as rude as I thought he would be. We sipped in awkward silence. Maybe this will be our relationship - silences with sexual tensions. I ruined whatever I was hoping. Ugh, the least you could do is apologise Mara-chan! Take a deep breath. Oh look, he's staring into his drink, now's your chance.

"I never apologised - well yeah unless you count last week haha! Um." I blew it. Wow I couldn't have made it worse. Dear ancestors, I need guidance in love and friendship. 

"It's all in the past." I frowned. No, that is not Itachi. He would totally seek revenge and what not. Well this is coming from the rumours I heard; apparently no one has ever survived telling him to basically ' _fuck off_.' I'm the lucky one.

"No, I can't just - it doesn't sit well with me, what I told you months ago. I want to take it back, believe me, but I know I can't and I have to live with that. I want you to know that I apologise for being self-centered and..." I stopped fumbling about, and looked at his hands. The proud Uchiha kept still, his grip on the cup made his knuckles whiter. Oh dear. I made him angry. I haven't written a will yet. I gulped, shifting my gaze upwards to his chest, rising ever so softly. Controlled anger is the worst. It makes for the worst crime scene clean ups. I dared looking up to finally meet his stare. To my surprise, I wasn't met with a glare. Instead he looked me over, calculating my body language most probably, hopefully he's getting my _'I'm sorry'_ vibes. He seemed pretty calm, but yet, like a wild animal, I must approach with caution. I put my hours of watching safari shows to the test by tentatively lowering my glass on the counter behind me and taking a step forward. He didn't react to that. A good start I must say. I took out my hand and let it stand between us as a peace offering. He took it and we shook to a new friendship. I smiled sheepishly, gaining my confidence.

"You seemed so tense; I thought you were going to bite my head off!"

"Speak for yourself, Miss Yamato."

I felt my cheeks grow warmer as he said that. It seemed like my crush was showing and I had zero control over how my body functioned in such situations unlike _someone_.

"Well, you need to relax a bit. Find a hobby, like tennis, or stamp collecting."

"I already have plenty of hobbies."

Of course he does. I bet you he plays cards with the Hokage in a private room while they laugh and eat really expensive food and drink champagne.

"I meant apart from training, _Itachi-kun_." I swear I saw him smile. Well I can imagine that he smiled, we can keep it a secret between us. Like the time when he smiled the "first time" we met (also known as the second time but you catch my drift), or when he just appeared in front of me earlier today. Oh. Maybe it should be brought up.

"May I ask a simple question? Well, I just-" I looked up bashfully, trying to keep the act up just a little longer. He titled his chin slightly, indicating for me to continue. I can't say I'm not enjoying the attention.

"Well, I was wondering what you were doing earlier today when you appeared in my apartment?" Smile, giggle - oh who cares, it all comes naturally. I waited for him to process it, acting all coy and coquettish.

"Arata and Hayate asked to look out for you." Not the response I wanted, but hey it's a close second!

"Oh, I see." All manner of flirtatious demeanor dissolved after my statement.  We both looked at the bedroom door as it stood slightly ajar. The awkward silence crept back around us.

"I need to take him back to the clan." He was already walking through the small corridor, determined to get away from the weird atmosphere we created. I waited patiently as he walked out with the kid, him still holding onto the glass. I took it from him and placed it behind me, turning back to the Uchiha. "I'll see you later, Miss Yamato," he said, bending down to deliver the usual farewell. I titled my head up to him, waiting for the peck. I held my breath as I felt his bathing my face, closing my eyes at the warmth. He brushed his lips with mine ever so softly for a second, before retracting back. My face was the same colour as strawberries. The corners of his lips twitched upwards into an awkward smile, and with that they disappeared.

* * *

 "Hey nurse-chan, can you explain what the rumour about Itachi-senpai and 'The Librarian' is all about please?" The nurse stopped bandaging Hayate's wounds. Could they still have not heard of the secret marriage and a possible child, all hidden for three whole years? She looked at Arata and sighed at the puppy face he was giving to her. Why was she a sucker for those looks? She would go secretly melt away in the nurse canteen and bash about how 'Arata-kun had THE cutest face in the whole of Konoha-maybe even the world!' Nurse Mei continued her work and when finished, she took a seat on the visitors' chair. She leaned in towards both of them.

"Did you hear about the marriage and the rumoured child?"

Both ninjas shook their heads. Ninjas - one of the reason she had become a nurse. Seeing toned bodies and having the liberty to touch them! She couldn't complain about those jobs for sure!

"Well, the librarian at the Academy is the alleged 'wife' of Itachi-kun. They say that they got married somewhere in a village far away from here under the watchful eye of a royal. I think the name of the village is 'Village Hidden in the Vineyard'." Both Arata and Hayate looked at each other. Mei sensed that they were talking about something very important as Hayate had one hell of a serious face. He was so hot with that look! No wait, Mei, you're on duty. Do not think about such low things! You're a lady searching for a husband and the person in front of you may be your potential hubby in the future!

"So you mean that Mara-chan…" Arata began.

"…yeah, and the story that she told us was all true." Hayate mused. Both of them were leaving her out of this vital information! Why? It must be very important since the name of the 'witch'-Mei meant 'wife' - was mentioned and that she had told them something! What was it?

"What are you two talking about?" Mei asked innocently. Hayate and Arata looked back at each other and nodded. They both sighed and began to explain. Oh, things have just gotten shaken up! Mei couldn't wait until she told her mates about all of this! It fits perfectly, the way that she sometimes acts (from what the villagers say, she acts like a rich spoiled brat) and how she had fallen in love with Itachi-kun! From the subsequent evidence these two have from his side- the odd disappearances with her every now and then and the suspicious rescue mission for a villager which had been kidnapped! Damn, this is one hell of a love story she won't miss sharing!


End file.
